A Better Me

*Pixabay

Because of other things that were going on in my life, I did not get this post out last week for Wicked Wednesday. But what a great week to share this instead!

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I am a better me today, at this moment, because of things I have been through, things I have learned, people that have been, and are, in my life. For the family, friends, acquaintances, people I know and don’t know, I am a better me for all these things.  

But especially for the man that has been by my side through the mess that is me. Every single bit in the last few years. He has supported me, boosted me up, argued with me and pushed me forward when needed. He has been my stronghold through it all. My man has been there loving me and guiding me through the hard times and the good times. He has not given up on me when I didn’t understand why. He is my rock and so much more than I could ever explain. Gave me a place to run to, a person to talk to and confide in and a reason to keep on going when I wanted to give up. He is so much to me and more.

@TheGentlemansR1 has been non-wavering and loving me through it all. I love him for everything he is and always has been.

He knows when I have had my times of internal battles. When my inner voice has told me all the things to make me stressed and anxious; where I am almost at the breaking point. He has pulled me up when I thought I couldn’t be. He has always pushed me to do what I needed to do in getting help in counseling and anything else that would help me get through it all. Such as, self-care in exercise, massages, meditation, doctor, whatever I might possibly need, he urged me on.

I always thought I was a strong person.  He and others say I am, more than I know.  But, I honestly have not felt I am, especially while going through so much in the last couple of years. A lot of things and people have affected me, how I am and how I see myself. I have acted and reacted in the wrong way.

Once I had given up trying to make things right, I gave up believing it could change. So I did not have boundaries, nor did I respect myself enough to change things when I knew they were wrong. I feel I have been judged, misunderstood and criticized by so many I care about. It is my belief that I have allowed myself to lose the person I am by trying to please others and take care of others first. I believe because of this, others do not understand why I am making myself a priority right now.  To find the me I am supposed to be so that they can respect the person I am. No, they may not understand, nor agree with the person I am. Just as long as they realize I am still me, yet a better version of me.  

I believe no one should judge another human being.  No one really knows what that person is or has gone through.  If you are going to judge someone, just realize you, at some point in your life, will be judged too. If you do not understand a person and that person’s ways, get to know them, talk to them, so that you can understand, at least a little bit. 

Do not criticize a person.  They may be different than you. Do different things than you. Have a different way of looking at things and the world than you. This does not make them wrong.  It does not make either one of you wrong. Just different. Is that so difficult? If we were all the same, did the same things, thought the same way, acted the same way, looked the same way, what a boring world this would be.  This statement is so true. Someone very wise that loves me has said this more than once.

As always, I still want everyone around me happy.  Happy in me and happy in their own lives.  I feel there is so much hate and unhappiness in this world.  I know you can’t be happy all the time.  But looking at the positive side of things as much as possible does help in having better days, better relationships and better moods.  Yes, some days are more difficult than others to find that positive outlook. No matter what, you are alive and able to change things if you set your mind to it. 

I have gone a bit off the subject.  When I touch on something I feel strongly about, that is what I do.  And I seem to be able to write things down to make a point much better than saying them.  

I just want to thank all those that support me, and especially the man that is always by my side as my support, friend, guide, protector, and love.  

I have a way to go still but I know I am on the right track.

Privacy and Inner Voices We Live With

*Pixabay

Thoughts and Inner Voice

I sit here on my own, having gone through so many thoughts and emotions.  All I am sharing right now are my thoughts and feelings, no one else’s.  They may be right, they may be wrong, but this is how I see things at this time.

They say that your inner voice is the voice that brings you down and lies to you.  Thing is, tonight, even though it had me through every emotion imaginable, it was telling me some pretty powerful stuff!

Now normally this isn’t the case.  It is actually the lying, don’t-listen-to-voice that they (meaning counselors or others that have gone through the same thing) say to ignore at the norm of it all, especially during my anxious, not trusting myself emotional times.  But tonight, it was actually making me think.  Not only the emotional anxious stuff of norm, but the “this is why I am who I am and why I am” stuff.

I have gone through a lot in the last couple of years.  I have been through some major hard times and worked my way out of the muck into the “I feel like I can conquer the world” feelings.  It has taken me many battles internally and getting to know myself and those around me.  It has taken me losing myself, working with myself, a counselor, family and friends, to finally get to a point I feel like myself again more than I have in such a long time!

Yes, I am realizing I am not sharing enough still and communicating as much as I should, but I am so much more there than I have been in such a very long time.   It is amazing the changes that have occurred in me over the last couple of years.

And I know for a fact I would not be there if not only for my counselor, family, friends and special people that support me, as well as my blog.

I have realized that I can’t avoid conflict, not talking to those I love, nor building walls to protect the ones I love and myself.  I have to communicate in the things I want to do and feel so that others understand me and what I am going through! So they don’t feel left out in the cold with what is going on with me and know that I love them and respect them enough to tell them what is happening with me.  Even if it is not something they want to know or feel.

Not only have I gone through my own inner critic and self-judgment. I have had to deal with others judging me and trying to take my self-worth and privacy away.  All of this just added to all I was going through and I am hoping it has made me that much stronger in the long run.

Judgement and Privacy

Judgement

As I have gone through all I shared above, I have dealt with a lot of judgement from family, friends and those I don’t even know or know well.  I have said it before and I will say it again…  What right do you have to judge me?  Do you live my life? Have you been in my shoes so know what I am going through? Do you understand and know my mind, body, heart and soul enough to judge what I say, do, feel and how I act?

I don’t think so.  Actually, I know not!  Just as I do not know what you are going through, what you have been through, how you feel and what you want out of life or your surroundings.  I may know you to a point if you are close to me, but if you do not share with me on a deeper level I will not know more.  I do not judge others.  If I feel I start to or realize I am in some way, I stop myself.  We are not given that right.  A person lives the way they live either by choice, by only knowing that way or because that is the only way they believe they can live.

If they find joy and happiness in the way they live, who are we to tell them it is wrong.  If they are not happy, we have to hope in some way they will find a better way of life so they can be.  But we cannot stand or sit there with our noses looking down on them, judging them because it is not our way, or what we believe.

Privacy

We also don’t have the right to wiggle our way into someone’s life and ruin their security and happiness because of this either.  A person’s privacy is their right.  People need to stop thinking just because someone is on social media, blogs or podcasts that it means they are free access for all.  NO!  A person’s privacy is so important.  No one should be able to take it away.  NO ONE!

There are those out there that have dealt with threats, “catfish” (those that make up fake accounts just to get to people) and anonymous messages of either acting like a friend or person that cares while all the while making underlying threats and manipulating comments.  There are even those that have had to close accounts and restart because of these people. It’s just wrong!!

I myself have had to change things for some of these very reasons as well.  I don’t understand the mind set and satisfaction people like this get out of doing these things to other people.  It is baffling!

Finally

I am one of those people who feel everything and everyone around them.  I feel their emotions, understand their thoughts and feelings sometimes better than they do.  Yet, I have been the one blocking anything and everything away from me so that I could deal with me and my own worries and problems.  So unlike me, but that is what I had to do in the last few years.

I ramble on and don’t make much since at this point possibly.  But, I just want to say, if you are going through the self mind play we all go through so many times in our life, some more than others, you are not alone in this.  There are others here and in other forms of social media that have been there too.

I have had those strong anxiety attacks where you don’t think you will catch your breath before passing out, or be able to talk to anyone honestly again.  I am one of those bloggers that is willing to share my sexy adventures and stories of erotic fantasy, yet want to also have my private life stay that way, private.   It’s all a catch 22, as many say.  Yet we continue on and hope that all will be okay and we made a difference in someone’s life.  If not someone else’s, at least in our own life.

 

 

 

Thoughts and More

 *Image by Zebra Rose.  Image originally published on Twitter and used with permission.

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Thoughts of him fill her mind.  His tall height, his strong build, his kinky mind, his powerful constant need for her, even his overwhelming lust for more; all had her so turned on and horny for him. He wouldn’t be home for a while still and she needed to quench this thirst and want for him.  

She took a bath with fragrant bubbles to relax her mind and turn it to other thoughts, yet all it did was make her feel even more sensual and because of this she started running her hands over her body.  She started with her left hand going up her neck and back down, sliding to her taught nipples as her right hand joined the left.  Both slid down over her stomach, to her mound and smooth cunt.  The feeling was amazing as she imagined him there with her, picturing him in her mind and the way he watches and touches her.  She catches her breath and decides to dry off and continue this on their bed. 

She lays across the bed and continues exploring her body, seeing him in her mind as she has seen him so many times, getting pleasure from watching her please herself for him.  Knowing damn well that she is turning him on more and more as she touches her pussy and plunges her fingers in to bring them back out wet and creamy with her juices.  Showing him how much she wants this, how much she wants him.  

She is lost in this fantasy.  Lost in the way she feels, as always, when she is turning both him and herself on with this sexy scene.  She opens her eyes, thinking of him and sees him standing by the bed watching her.  She holds her breath.  He is actually right there, really there.  No imagining now.  She pauses and he tells her, “don’t stop. Continue.”  

Letting out a sigh, she continues, watching him closely.  Knowing even though she is not supposed to be doing this without him, he is here now, and he wants her.  He watches intently as she continues to touch herself, continues to bring herself closer and closer to climax.  As she does, he undresses and stands by intently taking her in, cock hard and ready for her.  She is so close, breathing faster, blood rushing to her cheeks and to her pussy.  As she is about to cum, he stops her and she moans.  He then takes over and brings her to orgasm with his own skilled hands and fingers.  He has her turn over and he fucks her, cock in pussy and fingers on clit.  Bringing her back up fast and hard as they both release together.  

“Damn, I love watching you!” he says, sounding satisfied.  She smiles and snuggles in to him as they lay there in each other’s arms catching their breath.  “Ready for more?” he asks.  

“Oh yes, please!” she says with a sinfully greedy smile.  

 

Sexy A to Z – Z

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 26!  The final letter of the alphabet!! I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

Z: Zentai :

Definitions –

-a skin-tight garment that covers the entire body.[1] The word is a portmanteau of zenshin taitsu (Japanese: 全身タイツ, lit. ‘full-body tights’).[2]Zentai is most commonly made using nylon/spandex blends. (Wikipedia)

-a term for skin-tight garments that cover the entire body. The word is a portmanteau of zenshin taitsu. Zentai is most commonly made using nylon/spandex blends, but other materials such as cotton and wool are used as well. There are several variations based on the Zentai suit including mummy bag and hybrid suits consisting of either a single leg and arms, or separate legs and no arms. (definitions.net)

-a fetish in which participants wear Zentai suits—skintight suits made from thin, stretchy fabric—in order to have anonymous sex with other Zentai enthusiasts, or to participate in some anonymous dry humping. (cltampa.com)

Personally :

I personally did not think of this being a fetish! Of course, if you think about it, almost anything can be turned into, or are, a fetish.

These tight, form fitting body suits really started being seen more when, from what I remember (and of course I can be wrong), a group on one of the contest shows wore these body suits as part of their gimmick.

Then we started seeing fans of sports wearing them to the games more.  They were really getting popular at this point. And they are the suits that the super heroes in movies wear! 😀

Then, reading the definitions and explanations of this Zentai suit being a fetish, I see it is used in a fetish as a way to be “anonymous” in sexual play.  Very interesting!  Unfortunately at this point there is not much information about it that I can find, but there are sexy videos on it.  😉  Not something I would personally like to try, but it had me very curious about the fact that it is a fetish.

Finally: 

Thank you for joining me in this Sexy A to Z fun share! That was an interesting way of giving myself (and others, hopefully) more insight in to things I have known, wanted to know more about, or didn’t know at all.

If this is something you would like to delve into, please by all means do! I saw this on another blogger’s site and loved the idea, so the reason I did it.   We all share things, and I hope personally that it has others wanting to do the same.

XX

 

Sexy A to Z – Y

*Pixabay

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 25!  I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

Y: Your Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK) :

Definitions –

a phrase used in the kink community to denote respect for someone else’s kink while stating that this is something one is not into. The expression is meant to maintain the community’s openness to everyone’s kinks, while still being able to maintain one’s boundaries. (Kinkly)

Kayla Lord and John Brownstone shared this on a podcast on LovingBDSM with the title of Inclusivity, Identity, and the Principles of Your Kink Is Not My Kink.  Have a listen!

Personally :

In looking for definitions on YKINMK I found a lot of YKINMKBYKIOK (Your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay) sayings.  There were also a lot of  links to supposed definitions and then once clicked on there was not a definition.  So, the reason I include Loving BDSM’s podcast above.  They talk about it and explain it a bit more.

To me, I have always found it intriguing to find out about different kinks.  Even if it is not something I can see myself participating in or liking.  It does not make it wrong, just not what I see as a kink I would get into.  As long as it is between adult partners that are consensually participating in the kink together, I see no wrong in it, even if it is not for me.

As I read in one of the links that came up in my search for the term, titled What is Kink?, it states “it is critical from a kink perspective that what kinksters do is not just about sex but, more importantly, about enhancing intimacy between partners.” To me, this is an interesting point.

I believe that even those not in the kink world (Vanilla-which is the usually used term for non-kink) would have much closer relationships if they followed the beliefs of the kinksters.  To have a quality relationship, you have to be open, honest and communicate at all times.  This is the part of the consensual participation in the power dynamic exchange that is so important.

Come back as I share the last in the sexy alphabet.  The final letter Z!

Sexy A to Z – X

*FetishFurniture

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 24!  I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

X: X-Frame :

Definitions –

Known as a Saint Andrew’s cross is a piece of BDSM furniture made up of a cross set diagonally in the shape of an X. It restrains the subject in a standing spread-eagled position. The St. Andrew’s cross was most recently brought to public attention when it was used by Christian Grey to restrain Anastasia Steele in “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

*(It is also known as an X-cross, saltire cross or X-frame.) (Kinkly)

Known as the St. Andrew’s Cross, crux decussata, X-cross, X-frame or saltire cross is a common piece of equipment in BDSM dungeons. It typically provides restraining points for ankles, wrists, and waist. When secured to a saltire, the subject is restrained in a spreadeagle position.

The St. Andrew‘s Cross and the [[spanking bench]] are the most common pieces of BDSM furniture. Saltires are versatile and easy to manufacture. They are usually firmly attached to a wall, and is distinguished from a BDSM-style Catherine Wheel, which has a central hinge and allows occupants to be turned upside down. (Wikipedia)

Personally :

Since I have started knowing about BDSM, all the dungeon furniture and implements that are used for scene play I have been very curious of it all.  One of the things I have been most curious about is the furniture. Especially the X-Frame (called the St. Andrew’s Cross).  Talk about having no control and totally at your Dom(me)’s mercy!!

Of course the submissive still has the right to use the safe word and stop the scene. But…Ohhhh! The thought is incredibly sexy and intriguing!

As you can see by my comments, I have not had the introduction to this enticing curiosity. One day I hopefully will and I so look forward to it!

Join me next time when I share the letter Y!!

Sexy A to Z – W

*Agreeable Agony Blacklight Wax Play Candles

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 23!  I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

W: Wax Player :

Definitions –

a form of temperature play practiced in a BDSM context. The idea of wax play is to introduce a slight burning sensation to the skin.  (Wikipedia)

-a form of sensual interaction in which a person drips warm or hot wax onto their partner’s naked body. The feeling of the wax hitting one’s body causes a rush of adrenalin which increases arousal.

Although wax play is often combined with BDSM practices, it is also enjoyed by people with a wide range of sexual interests, outside of the BDSM community. (Kinkly)

Candles for Wax Play –

Some suggestions:

Low Temperature Candles

KandlesByKitten Wax Play Candles

BondageStudio wax play candles

Personally :

I personally have not had a chance to try out wax play.  I really would like to though.  As I have shared above, there are actually candles made specifically for wax play.

You can use so many different colors for wax play now.  White, black and all the colors of the rainbow.  And, so many different companies have them on offer for us.

Just imagine all the beautiful colors you can be covered with.  And combine that with other implements, impact play and toys for a scene! Mmmm!

So, see you next time when I share the letter X!

Sexy A to Z – V

*Pixabay

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 22!  I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

V: Voyeurism :

Definitions –

sexual interest of watching activities, typically activities that are private or intimate in nature, without the knowledge or permission of the person(s) being watched. The main characteristic of voyeurism is that the voyeur, the person watching, does not engage directly with the person being watched. (Kinkly)

practice of getting sexual pleasure by secretly watching other people having sex or taking their clothes off. (Collins Dictionary)-is defined as an interest in observing unsuspecting people while they undress, are naked, or engage in sexual activities. The interest is usually more in the act of watching, rather than in the person being watched.

an interest in observing unsuspecting people while they undress, are naked, or engage in sexual activities. The interest is usually more in the act of watching, rather than in the person being watched.

The person doing the watching is called a voyeur, but you might hear them casually referred to as a peeping Tom. (healthline.com)

Personally :

I personally can’t say I have secretly watched anyone having sex, undressing or whatnot.  All I can do is imagine what I would do and how I would feel.

As healthline.com states above about peeping Tom, that was the first thing I thought of when reading the definitions to voyeurism. Ha!  But before that, knowing what it basically meant, I had not even thought about it until reading the definitions!  Made myself giggle at the thought.

Even though I have not personally had the experience of being a voyeur, I did write a post about Voyeuristic Indulgence last August. It was fun to imagine and write about.  I have read other stories about it and can see why it is exciting and such a turn on.

Have you ever had this experience?

See you next time when I share the letter W! 🙂

 

Sexy A to Z – U

*by Glaminati (Kinda what I had in my mind 😉 )

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 21!  I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

U: Unicorn :

Definitions – 

A common swinging term used in the community to refer to a single female interested in meeting other couples. Described as such due to the rarity of finding said females. By no means derogatory but quite the opposite, a rare treat. (Urban Dictionary)

A unicorn in polyamory or swinging lifestyles is usually a bisexual single female who is willing to have sex or enter a relationship with an established couple. Although unicorns are usually female, this term can apply to persons of other genders. Because this type of person is hard to find, they are akin to the rare, mythical unicorn. (Kinkly)

Personally :

I, like many young girls growing up, loved unicorns.  Brought up to believe, as it says above, that they were rare, mythical creatures.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out recently that this was a name given to those that are a third sex partner for couples!  I giggled at first just imagining that person putting a horn on their head and meeting the couple of choice for their fun! 😉  (Yes, that is my silly imaginative mind working there! Ha!)

I can see this scenario most likely working best for the third person being a sex worker rather than a single person looking for this.  But, I have seen that there are the actual rare people that enjoy this lifestyle.  At least for a while.  It has to be a complicated thing if one or both of the people, as the couple, want more.

It’s a very interesting lifestyle and makes me wonder how long a person enjoys being that Unicorn for others.  Do they get tired of it and want more?  Do you know? Have any input?

Join me next time when I share the letter V!

Sexy A to Z – T

I am sharing something each day (not always every day in a row) covering the alphabet until I reach Z!  Here we are at day 20!  I am sharing topics having to do with sex, BDSM and/or kink.  These topics are of things I am curious to learn about, love to know more about or just love to share.

If you have anything to add or have something else in that alphabet letter to share, please do so in the comments below.

Today’s sexy letter of the alphabet is:

T: Total Power Exchange (TPE) :

Definitions –

-In BDSM, TPE refers to a type of relationship: total power exchange. The implication is that the dominant partner has complete control and authority over the submissive in all areas and at all times, even when they’re not actively engaged in a scene. Most couples will, however, agree to a set of terms and limits beforehand, which can be renegotiated if it becomes necessary. (Urban Dictionary)

-Total power exchange (TPE) is a relationship dynamic that occurs in a BDSM relationship where the dominant partner has total power over the submissive in everything. TPE always applies in sexual situations, but generally also refers to the dominant having power over all other elements of the submissive’s life. (Kinkly)

General Power Exchange as described on Kinkly =

-Power exchange is a term that is frequently used to describe dominance and submission relationships and the BDSM community. These types of relationships involve submissive partners whom willingly and voluntarily relinquish control to their dominant partners, either in certain situation, for a specified period of time, or completely. Once in power exchange relationships, submissive partners must surrender to and obey their dominant partners. Common elements in power exchange relationships include bondage and discipline.

Personally :

This is an interesting subject to me.  I originally thought it was just a “Power Exchange” in the lifestyle.  In this, the submissive gives control to the Dominant in a scene or even in their daily life.

I then found that there is a Total Power Exchange as well.  Where the submissive gives the Dominant complete and total control over their play time and scenes or in their life, decisions, everything.  At first this was something that intrigued me.  Wouldn’t it be nice to just give over everything to someone to take all the responsibility?!

Then thinking about it more, I realize I am not willing to give over every single thing in my life.

I was raised to take care of myself and my life.  So, even though the thought of relinquishing all to someone was a nice thought, I can’t see this working for me.

To have a partner you can share responsibility with and discuss things with is so great!  And it is nice to have someone that wants to make sure I continue to be responsible for things.  He doesn’t just take all out of my hands (even though sometimes I think he would like to).

I must say, for a scene, it is absolutely amazing!! 😉

Next post for the Sexy AtoZ we will share the letter U!