Privacy and Inner Voices We Live With


Thoughts and Inner Voice

I sit here on my own, having gone through so many thoughts and emotions.  All I am sharing right now are my thoughts and feelings, no one else’s.  They may be right, they may be wrong, but this is how I see things at this time.

They say that your inner voice is the voice that brings you down and lies to you.  Thing is, tonight, even though it had me through every emotion imaginable, it was telling me some pretty powerful stuff!

Now normally this isn’t the case.  It is actually the lying, don’t-listen-to-voice that they (meaning counselors or others that have gone through the same thing) say to ignore at the norm of it all, especially during my anxious, not trusting myself emotional times.  But tonight, it was actually making me think.  Not only the emotional anxious stuff of norm, but the “this is why I am who I am and why I am” stuff.

I have gone through a lot in the last couple of years.  I have been through some major hard times and worked my way out of the muck into the “I feel like I can conquer the world” feelings.  It has taken me many battles internally and getting to know myself and those around me.  It has taken me losing myself, working with myself, a counselor, family and friends, to finally get to a point I feel like myself again more than I have in such a long time!

Yes, I am realizing I am not sharing enough still and communicating as much as I should, but I am so much more there than I have been in such a very long time.   It is amazing the changes that have occurred in me over the last couple of years.

And I know for a fact I would not be there if not only for my counselor, family, friends and special people that support me, as well as my blog.

I have realized that I can’t avoid conflict, not talking to those I love, nor building walls to protect the ones I love and myself.  I have to communicate in the things I want to do and feel so that others understand me and what I am going through! So they don’t feel left out in the cold with what is going on with me and know that I love them and respect them enough to tell them what is happening with me.  Even if it is not something they want to know or feel.

Not only have I gone through my own inner critic and self-judgment. I have had to deal with others judging me and trying to take my self-worth and privacy away.  All of this just added to all I was going through and I am hoping it has made me that much stronger in the long run.

Judgement and Privacy


As I have gone through all I shared above, I have dealt with a lot of judgement from family, friends and those I don’t even know or know well.  I have said it before and I will say it again…  What right do you have to judge me?  Do you live my life? Have you been in my shoes so know what I am going through? Do you understand and know my mind, body, heart and soul enough to judge what I say, do, feel and how I act?

I don’t think so.  Actually, I know not!  Just as I do not know what you are going through, what you have been through, how you feel and what you want out of life or your surroundings.  I may know you to a point if you are close to me, but if you do not share with me on a deeper level I will not know more.  I do not judge others.  If I feel I start to or realize I am in some way, I stop myself.  We are not given that right.  A person lives the way they live either by choice, by only knowing that way or because that is the only way they believe they can live.

If they find joy and happiness in the way they live, who are we to tell them it is wrong.  If they are not happy, we have to hope in some way they will find a better way of life so they can be.  But we cannot stand or sit there with our noses looking down on them, judging them because it is not our way, or what we believe.


We also don’t have the right to wiggle our way into someone’s life and ruin their security and happiness because of this either.  A person’s privacy is their right.  People need to stop thinking just because someone is on social media, blogs or podcasts that it means they are free access for all.  NO!  A person’s privacy is so important.  No one should be able to take it away.  NO ONE!

There are those out there that have dealt with threats, “catfish” (those that make up fake accounts just to get to people) and anonymous messages of either acting like a friend or person that cares while all the while making underlying threats and manipulating comments.  There are even those that have had to close accounts and restart because of these people. It’s just wrong!!

I myself have had to change things for some of these very reasons as well.  I don’t understand the mind set and satisfaction people like this get out of doing these things to other people.  It is baffling!


I am one of those people who feel everything and everyone around them.  I feel their emotions, understand their thoughts and feelings sometimes better than they do.  Yet, I have been the one blocking anything and everything away from me so that I could deal with me and my own worries and problems.  So unlike me, but that is what I had to do in the last few years.

I ramble on and don’t make much since at this point possibly.  But, I just want to say, if you are going through the self mind play we all go through so many times in our life, some more than others, you are not alone in this.  There are others here and in other forms of social media that have been there too.

I have had those strong anxiety attacks where you don’t think you will catch your breath before passing out, or be able to talk to anyone honestly again.  I am one of those bloggers that is willing to share my sexy adventures and stories of erotic fantasy, yet want to also have my private life stay that way, private.   It’s all a catch 22, as many say.  Yet we continue on and hope that all will be okay and we made a difference in someone’s life.  If not someone else’s, at least in our own life.




My Apologies


I am sorry I have not been here for the last couple of weeks.  I have had a lot going on and dealing with many things.  I have had to do some serious thinking and serious decision-making.

I love this community and how close and supportive everyone is of each other.  I have never been great at holding long-standing friendships, but I can see me doing so in this wonderful community.  I love the writing, sharing and understanding we all have of one another.

As soon as I have made the serious decisions I need to make, I will let everyone know.

Until then, I will continue writing and doing what I can to show my support.  I love you all!!


This Too Shall Pass


My mind is going on and on non-stop.  It has been this way for the past few days.  There is so much happening in my life right now.  So much so that I haven’t been able to write much.  I have so much to do right now in my life that my brain is focusing on that instead.

It’s quite frustrating.  I’m actually surprised I am even focused enough to get the things done in my life that need to be done.  But, I am at least accomplishing that.  Then to calm my mind down, I am listening to a book and trying to relax.  I am hoping it is the way to get back to my writing and my creative side.  We will see I suppose.

I will get back to it, I know I will.  I just have to get past this crazy mind mess first.  As the saying goes, “This too shall pass.”




Bah Humbug…


I’ve been so  busy this week that I have barely been able to do anything here on my blog.  I guess that is pretty good. Keeps me from thinking too much.

Being apart from Daddy for Christmas and getting through things still here, I just feel more numb than emotional right now.  Can’t decide if that is good or bad.  And then every now and then I tear up for no reason.  Ugh!

I just know I used to love this time of the year.  I was always the one with the Christmas spirit.  The one that loved shopping and getting things for others and love giving gifts to everyone.  The one with stars in her eyes, loving the beautiful Christmas lights everywhere and making sure my kids enjoyed every minute of the holidays.

Unfortunately, I will be very happy once the holiday season is over this year.

I do love the music and the lights still, but have hardly decorated and don’t really feel the thrill as I normally do for this wonderful time of the year.  🙁

Despite me and my somewhat bah humbug attitude, I hope you all have a wonderful happy Christmas!! <3


I Am Blessed

I truly am blessed. I have been through a lot and learned a lot in the last few years. My life has changed by leaps and bounds, and yet still a bit the same.

I have a good man supporting me, protecting me (as much as he can…not enough to his mind, but to me more than I ever have been), guiding me and loving me.

I have friends, both in real everyday life and those few I have become friends with through my blog and social media. They support me, understand me and share so much (as understanding friends do).

I have my family, that even if they don’t understand what I have gone through, where I am in myself or where I’m going, they support and love me no matter what.

I am learning more about myself, my writing and my love for so many things, more and more every day.

I may not be liked by some, but those that know me and love me, thank you. I am continuing to learn in so many areas of this lifestyle (D/s – BDSM), my writing and myself. I still am a somewhat newbie at all this.

So yes, I am one blessed baby girl kitten and I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read my posts, comment, like, share and just be a part of my world❣️xx


When Life Gets In The Way


When life gets in the way, gets busy and takes me away from the other things I enjoy, it gets frustrating and I feel out of the loop, so to speak.  I haven’t been able to give my attention here for the past week since I have been so busy and so haven’t been able to participate in a couple of things or keep up with my faves here.

I know it’s okay and can’t be helped, but I just feel bad when that happens.

I feel so close to the other bloggers here and love keeping up with them daily.  The Holiday Season just gets us busy at times though and it is to be expected, right?

I even feel it during this time with Daddy.  We both, being LDR still, have things we have to do where we are and it takes us away from each other and our time we normally have to make a connection with one another.  It gets frustrating, at least to me, and I start doing that mind thing where my thoughts go on their stupid route of over thinking and over analyzing again! (*rolling eyes*)

I have to tell myself, “Stop that Kat!  You’re doing it again.  Your “not-true thinking” has to stop!” A lot of times it will help but sometimes I have to go into my anxious, crying mode before I finally kick myself and stop.  Crazy, right?  You would think by now I could not do this silly stuff and know better! I mean, it even affects me writing and coming up with things to write!!

But then I talk to Daddy, settle down and all is okay again.  He centers and calms me.

So, now that I can slow down a bit for the next couple of days, maybe I can get a few posts done.  🙂

*Pic from Pinterest


Sexy Saturday Picks


I see a lot of #SoSS posts and realize I am not that great with doing things, what I see as, the “proper” way of doing them, so thought I would try it this way first. 🙂

Maybe this will get me in the right frame of mind for another time (you never know).

Anyway, I decided to pick 2 of my favorite posts for the week from each category I have started following and/or participating in:

Masturbation Monday:

Exposed was yummy! I felt a part of this sexy hot shower scene.

Always was hauntingly sexy and erotic.

TMI Tuesday:

The Pink Seam – Great answers and entertaining, especially about the dentist! 😉

Floss – Love her explanation of name, her saying and her random Harry Potter extra! 🙂

Extra: Maitre – This one is my Daddy’s responses and quite love his saying and absolutely love his random extra!! <3

Wicked Wednesday:

Mark Me – a definite relatable story about marks

Shades of Purple – a wonderfully light sexy story about her birthday gift and something she will remember when using said gift because of her silly friends. Loved this!

Sinful Sunday:

Since these are sexy pics I am putting them last.

Little Switch Bitch – Love me some cute socks!!

Annie Savoy – Her heart pic is the sweetest!

There are so many others that I liked from all these categories. I am finding out about other weekly posts to join in and am having a lot of fun doing so!!

So far, these are the ones I have participated in:

Sinful Sunday – Found on Molly’s Daily Kiss

Masturbation Monday – Found on Kayla Lords Site

TMI Tuesday – Blog found here

Wicked Wednesday – On Marie Rebelle’s blog

I have not participated in any others yet, as I am just getting started in the last two weeks to jump in.  I hope you find others you enjoy from my sharing and happy writing/reading/finding new blogs to read!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!! 🙂

*SS Pic from Pinterest

TMI Tuesday – Why is eating bad food, like having bad sex?


1. Do you like tattoos? Do you have any tattoos?  I love tattoos, especially if they mean something special to the person.  Yes I have tattoos.

2. How did you pick your online profile name? Just wanted something with “kitten or Kat” since Daddy calls me Kitten most of the time and including Kink (Kinx) in it for my writing.

3. What’s one saying you try to live by? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I have always believed that what you give out into the world you get back.

4. What was the last bad meal you ate? Why was it so awful? I can’t remember what my last bad meal was and why it was so awful…, I believe it was when I tried fish for breakfast. Nope, not me.

5. When was your last bad sexual encounter? Why was it so awful? I think my last bad sexual encounter was a few years ago when I was trying really hard to make things good and it ended up being worse.

Bonus: Tell us something random.  – Random….hmmm….I want to learn a new language!

Follow the following link to TMI Tuesday:

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Shared…4 Ways FOMO Kills Your Productivity – The Smutlancer


Ugh! This is soooo me!!  Kayla has some great insight on blogging and getting things, like your writing done, instead of focusing on things you might be missing out on. Like she uses as an example… I am so worried about how others do their writing and/or the topics showing up that I want to touch on, so question whether to do them or not since that person did it.

I don’t see my writing as exquisite or catching as others. But then thinking about responses I get, shows me that I am touching people with my writing anyway! (Pay attention Kat! *rolling eyes here*)  So this is a great reminder and kick in the pants to get on with it and do your thing! 😉

So enjoy this bit of wisdom and happy writing!

Thank you for this Kayla/The Smutlancer!!


Note To Self…Just Do It!


Okay…so I am a bit anxious at the moment.  Thoughts going through my head, unsupported/unsubstantial doubts and fears and internal fighting within myself.  I don’t know what brought it on this time, but here it is.

I am trying so hard to learn to not give in to my shame and guilt that my mind likes to take me to for protection.  I am trying really hard to face this and work toward and through it.  It is not easy and I keep falling back to the norm.  It seems I am fighting with myself all the time.

I am not trusting in myself to “speak my truth” enough.  I am getting there, I know I am, but I have a long way to go still.  It’s frustrating knowing I am feeling more and more like I can and then fall back to how I always am in giving in to my fears and doubts.  Avoiding conflict and hurt when I need to be facing it head on so I can move on with my life.  I think I am getting better, than right down that hole I go again!

What is wrong with me?!?! Ugh!

I have the most loving man that supports me, loves me, protects me and guides me.  I know I frustrate him at times, but he is my angel.  Yet I am stuck in my past and so damn scared to move, to cause havoc/chaos/conflict/hurt. What is that?!?

I have help through a counselor every week and have the support and learning of myself and ways to deal with things by talking and understanding what I am dealing with and moving forward in so many ways.

Sometimes I just want to run away from everything and everyone.  I know that is silly and not logical.  It will all catch up to me, of course, and then I am dealing with it all over again.  So, that won’t work.

I have so much ingrained in me that I have done for so long, especially the last 30 years or more, that just realizing this and trying to “fix” myself is damn hard! I want it to happen immediately. No waiting, no working through things…be done now!!

I want to be able to enjoy myself and the decisions I make to make me happy.  I want to not always worry about how I will affect others and make them feel.  I want to be happy and make others happy, yes, but I also want my making others happy as being part of my happy…does that make sense?

I have worked so hard on making those around me happy (yes, it does make me happy that they are happy), but it was to keep away conflict, hurt and others being upset.  It wasn’t always the right thing to do.  For this I have messed up my own boundaries and self-love and made them non-existent. Until recently.  Now I am trying to correct this and it is really hard!  Both for myself and for them.  For myself, because I have steered clear of the conflict, hurt and being upset and now I have to make myself deal with this.  For others, they are used to me being my accepting, do everything to make others happy self, and it causes what I have always avoided.

I wish there was just some switch in myself to flip on to make me automatically do it all now instead of learning to do it all, like new…I know what I need to do, it is just doing it, taking the action in what I have learned is the right thing for me to do.  I want to yell at myself to “Just Do It Already!”

*If you have taken the time to read this, thank you. I know I have a few of these posts here and it can be depressing to read. Or a “here she goes again” kind of thing. (Sorry about that) But, that is one of the reasons I started this blog, was to be able to share some of the things I go through. Hopefully with those that go through the same things as I do. (Which I have found many do) If I wasn’t sharing it here, I would be either writing it down in a book or on my computer. And I seem to get a bit more out of sharing here.  So, thank you for your time and understanding.*  

*Beautiful piece of art found on Pinterest