My Apologies

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I am sorry I have not been here for the last couple of weeks.  I have had a lot going on and dealing with many things.  I have had to do some serious thinking and serious decision-making.

I love this community and how close and supportive everyone is of each other.  I have never been great at holding long-standing friendships, but I can see me doing so in this wonderful community.  I love the writing, sharing and understanding we all have of one another.

As soon as I have made the serious decisions I need to make, I will let everyone know.

Until then, I will continue writing and doing what I can to show my support.  I love you all!!

 

This Too Shall Pass

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My mind is going on and on non-stop.  It has been this way for the past few days.  There is so much happening in my life right now.  So much so that I haven’t been able to write much.  I have so much to do right now in my life that my brain is focusing on that instead.

It’s quite frustrating.  I’m actually surprised I am even focused enough to get the things done in my life that need to be done.  But, I am at least accomplishing that.  Then to calm my mind down, I am listening to a book and trying to relax.  I am hoping it is the way to get back to my writing and my creative side.  We will see I suppose.

I will get back to it, I know I will.  I just have to get past this crazy mind mess first.  As the saying goes, “This too shall pass.”

 

 

 

Bah Humbug…

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I’ve been so  busy this week that I have barely been able to do anything here on my blog.  I guess that is pretty good. Keeps me from thinking too much.

Being apart from Daddy for Christmas and getting through things still here, I just feel more numb than emotional right now.  Can’t decide if that is good or bad.  And then every now and then I tear up for no reason.  Ugh!

I just know I used to love this time of the year.  I was always the one with the Christmas spirit.  The one that loved shopping and getting things for others and love giving gifts to everyone.  The one with stars in her eyes, loving the beautiful Christmas lights everywhere and making sure my kids enjoyed every minute of the holidays.

Unfortunately, I will be very happy once the holiday season is over this year.

I do love the music and the lights still, but have hardly decorated and don’t really feel the thrill as I normally do for this wonderful time of the year.  🙁

Despite me and my somewhat bah humbug attitude, I hope you all have a wonderful happy Christmas!! <3

 

I Am Blessed

I truly am blessed. I have been through a lot and learned a lot in the last few years. My life has changed by leaps and bounds, and yet still a bit the same.

I have a good man supporting me, protecting me (as much as he can…not enough to his mind, but to me more than I ever have been), guiding me and loving me.

I have friends, both in real everyday life and those few I have become friends with through my blog and social media. They support me, understand me and share so much (as understanding friends do).

I have my family, that even if they don’t understand what I have gone through, where I am in myself or where I’m going, they support and love me no matter what.

I am learning more about myself, my writing and my love for so many things, more and more every day.

I may not be liked by some, but those that know me and love me, thank you. I am continuing to learn in so many areas of this lifestyle (D/s – BDSM), my writing and myself. I still am a somewhat newbie at all this.

So yes, I am one blessed baby girl kitten and I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read my posts, comment, like, share and just be a part of my world❣️xx

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When Life Gets In The Way

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When life gets in the way, gets busy and takes me away from the other things I enjoy, it gets frustrating and I feel out of the loop, so to speak.  I haven’t been able to give my attention here for the past week since I have been so busy and so haven’t been able to participate in a couple of things or keep up with my faves here.

I know it’s okay and can’t be helped, but I just feel bad when that happens.

I feel so close to the other bloggers here and love keeping up with them daily.  The Holiday Season just gets us busy at times though and it is to be expected, right?

I even feel it during this time with Daddy.  We both, being LDR still, have things we have to do where we are and it takes us away from each other and our time we normally have to make a connection with one another.  It gets frustrating, at least to me, and I start doing that mind thing where my thoughts go on their stupid route of over thinking and over analyzing again! (*rolling eyes*)

I have to tell myself, “Stop that Kat!  You’re doing it again.  Your “not-true thinking” has to stop!” A lot of times it will help but sometimes I have to go into my anxious, crying mode before I finally kick myself and stop.  Crazy, right?  You would think by now I could not do this silly stuff and know better! I mean, it even affects me writing and coming up with things to write!!

But then I talk to Daddy, settle down and all is okay again.  He centers and calms me.

So, now that I can slow down a bit for the next couple of days, maybe I can get a few posts done.  🙂

*Pic from Pinterest

 

Sexy Saturday Picks

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I see a lot of #SoSS posts and realize I am not that great with doing things, what I see as, the “proper” way of doing them, so thought I would try it this way first. 🙂

Maybe this will get me in the right frame of mind for another time (you never know).

Anyway, I decided to pick 2 of my favorite posts for the week from each category I have started following and/or participating in:

Masturbation Monday:

Exposed was yummy! I felt a part of this sexy hot shower scene.

Always was hauntingly sexy and erotic.

TMI Tuesday:

The Pink Seam – Great answers and entertaining, especially about the dentist! 😉

Floss – Love her explanation of name, her saying and her random Harry Potter extra! 🙂

Extra: Maitre – This one is my Daddy’s responses and quite love his saying and absolutely love his random extra!! <3

Wicked Wednesday:

Mark Me – a definite relatable story about marks

Shades of Purple – a wonderfully light sexy story about her birthday gift and something she will remember when using said gift because of her silly friends. Loved this!

Sinful Sunday:

Since these are sexy pics I am putting them last.

Little Switch Bitch – Love me some cute socks!!

Annie Savoy – Her heart pic is the sweetest!

There are so many others that I liked from all these categories. I am finding out about other weekly posts to join in and am having a lot of fun doing so!!

So far, these are the ones I have participated in:

Sinful Sunday – Found on Molly’s Daily Kiss

Masturbation Monday – Found on Kayla Lords Site

TMI Tuesday – Blog found here

Wicked Wednesday – On Marie Rebelle’s blog

I have not participated in any others yet, as I am just getting started in the last two weeks to jump in.  I hope you find others you enjoy from my sharing and happy writing/reading/finding new blogs to read!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!! 🙂

*SS Pic from Pinterest

TMI Tuesday – Why is eating bad food, like having bad sex?

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1. Do you like tattoos? Do you have any tattoos?  I love tattoos, especially if they mean something special to the person.  Yes I have tattoos.

2. How did you pick your online profile name? Just wanted something with “kitten or Kat” since Daddy calls me Kitten most of the time and including Kink (Kinx) in it for my writing.

3. What’s one saying you try to live by? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I have always believed that what you give out into the world you get back.

4. What was the last bad meal you ate? Why was it so awful? I can’t remember what my last bad meal was and why it was so awful…, I believe it was when I tried fish for breakfast. Nope, not me.

5. When was your last bad sexual encounter? Why was it so awful? I think my last bad sexual encounter was a few years ago when I was trying really hard to make things good and it ended up being worse.

Bonus: Tell us something random.  – Random….hmmm….I want to learn a new language!

Follow the following link to TMI Tuesday:

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Shared…4 Ways FOMO Kills Your Productivity – The Smutlancer

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Ugh! This is soooo me!!  Kayla has some great insight on blogging and getting things, like your writing done, instead of focusing on things you might be missing out on. Like she uses as an example… I am so worried about how others do their writing and/or the topics showing up that I want to touch on, so question whether to do them or not since that person did it.

I don’t see my writing as exquisite or catching as others. But then thinking about responses I get, shows me that I am touching people with my writing anyway! (Pay attention Kat! *rolling eyes here*)  So this is a great reminder and kick in the pants to get on with it and do your thing! 😉

So enjoy this bit of wisdom and happy writing!

Thank you for this Kayla/The Smutlancer!!

 

Note To Self…Just Do It!

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Okay…so I am a bit anxious at the moment.  Thoughts going through my head, unsupported/unsubstantial doubts and fears and internal fighting within myself.  I don’t know what brought it on this time, but here it is.

I am trying so hard to learn to not give in to my shame and guilt that my mind likes to take me to for protection.  I am trying really hard to face this and work toward and through it.  It is not easy and I keep falling back to the norm.  It seems I am fighting with myself all the time.

I am not trusting in myself to “speak my truth” enough.  I am getting there, I know I am, but I have a long way to go still.  It’s frustrating knowing I am feeling more and more like I can and then fall back to how I always am in giving in to my fears and doubts.  Avoiding conflict and hurt when I need to be facing it head on so I can move on with my life.  I think I am getting better, than right down that hole I go again!

What is wrong with me?!?! Ugh!

I have the most loving man that supports me, loves me, protects me and guides me.  I know I frustrate him at times, but he is my angel.  Yet I am stuck in my past and so damn scared to move, to cause havoc/chaos/conflict/hurt. What is that?!?

I have help through a counselor every week and have the support and learning of myself and ways to deal with things by talking and understanding what I am dealing with and moving forward in so many ways.

Sometimes I just want to run away from everything and everyone.  I know that is silly and not logical.  It will all catch up to me, of course, and then I am dealing with it all over again.  So, that won’t work.

I have so much ingrained in me that I have done for so long, especially the last 30 years or more, that just realizing this and trying to “fix” myself is damn hard! I want it to happen immediately. No waiting, no working through things…be done now!!

I want to be able to enjoy myself and the decisions I make to make me happy.  I want to not always worry about how I will affect others and make them feel.  I want to be happy and make others happy, yes, but I also want my making others happy as being part of my happy…does that make sense?

I have worked so hard on making those around me happy (yes, it does make me happy that they are happy), but it was to keep away conflict, hurt and others being upset.  It wasn’t always the right thing to do.  For this I have messed up my own boundaries and self-love and made them non-existent. Until recently.  Now I am trying to correct this and it is really hard!  Both for myself and for them.  For myself, because I have steered clear of the conflict, hurt and being upset and now I have to make myself deal with this.  For others, they are used to me being my accepting, do everything to make others happy self, and it causes what I have always avoided.

I wish there was just some switch in myself to flip on to make me automatically do it all now instead of learning to do it all, like new…I know what I need to do, it is just doing it, taking the action in what I have learned is the right thing for me to do.  I want to yell at myself to “Just Do It Already!”

*If you have taken the time to read this, thank you. I know I have a few of these posts here and it can be depressing to read. Or a “here she goes again” kind of thing. (Sorry about that) But, that is one of the reasons I started this blog, was to be able to share some of the things I go through. Hopefully with those that go through the same things as I do. (Which I have found many do) If I wasn’t sharing it here, I would be either writing it down in a book or on my computer. And I seem to get a bit more out of sharing here.  So, thank you for your time and understanding.*  

*Beautiful piece of art found on Pinterest

Not Good Enough

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Do you ever feel you are not good enough?

I have several times.  When my mind over-thinks and over-analyzes things that I have or haven’t done.  Where I think I failed in what I was trying to do. Me trying to make someone happy or make something happen that I feel will make others (along with myself) happy.  Feeling then overwhelmed with the feeling of failure or not being good enough.

It’s that mind taking over again.  I have worked on this so much recently and tried to make myself busy when I feel myself starting up this rehearsed thought process in my head.  I have been doing so much better.  Yet just these last few weeks it still crept through my thoughts and hit me once again.

I had to go to Daddy and tell him, as he coaxed it out of me, what I was feeling and why.  He then reassured me and pointed out why I had no reason to feel this way and how great I have been doing where this is concerned.  He told me I have grown by leaps and bounds since we first met and how I have gone from a scared little girl to a more confident woman.  That I may not see it because of the small increments I have gone by, but that he sees it all the time and is proud of me for it.

His saying this made me feel so much better!

I do see my improvements but I guess I feel frustrated because I don’t want to fall into this mind trap anymore.  Yet I continue to do so.  And I understand that we all go through it to some extent or another.  Just some of us more so.  We learn to deal with it in the best way that we know how to.  I am learning every day of new ways of dealing with these mind issues.

I know i am good enough.  I know it is taking me some time to learn what to do and put into practice those things that help me through.  I hope by doing so, and sharing with you here, that I might can help others going through the same issues to understand they are good enough too.

*Pic from Pinterest and From up North