A Better Me

*Pixabay

Because of other things that were going on in my life, I did not get this post out last week for Wicked Wednesday. But what a great week to share this instead!

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I am a better me today, at this moment, because of things I have been through, things I have learned, people that have been, and are, in my life. For the family, friends, acquaintances, people I know and don’t know, I am a better me for all these things.  

But especially for the man that has been by my side through the mess that is me. Every single bit in the last few years. He has supported me, boosted me up, argued with me and pushed me forward when needed. He has been my stronghold through it all. My man has been there loving me and guiding me through the hard times and the good times. He has not given up on me when I didn’t understand why. He is my rock and so much more than I could ever explain. Gave me a place to run to, a person to talk to and confide in and a reason to keep on going when I wanted to give up. He is so much to me and more.

@TheGentlemansR1 has been non-wavering and loving me through it all. I love him for everything he is and always has been.

He knows when I have had my times of internal battles. When my inner voice has told me all the things to make me stressed and anxious; where I am almost at the breaking point. He has pulled me up when I thought I couldn’t be. He has always pushed me to do what I needed to do in getting help in counseling and anything else that would help me get through it all. Such as, self-care in exercise, massages, meditation, doctor, whatever I might possibly need, he urged me on.

I always thought I was a strong person.  He and others say I am, more than I know.  But, I honestly have not felt I am, especially while going through so much in the last couple of years. A lot of things and people have affected me, how I am and how I see myself. I have acted and reacted in the wrong way.

Once I had given up trying to make things right, I gave up believing it could change. So I did not have boundaries, nor did I respect myself enough to change things when I knew they were wrong. I feel I have been judged, misunderstood and criticized by so many I care about. It is my belief that I have allowed myself to lose the person I am by trying to please others and take care of others first. I believe because of this, others do not understand why I am making myself a priority right now.  To find the me I am supposed to be so that they can respect the person I am. No, they may not understand, nor agree with the person I am. Just as long as they realize I am still me, yet a better version of me.  

I believe no one should judge another human being.  No one really knows what that person is or has gone through.  If you are going to judge someone, just realize you, at some point in your life, will be judged too. If you do not understand a person and that person’s ways, get to know them, talk to them, so that you can understand, at least a little bit. 

Do not criticize a person.  They may be different than you. Do different things than you. Have a different way of looking at things and the world than you. This does not make them wrong.  It does not make either one of you wrong. Just different. Is that so difficult? If we were all the same, did the same things, thought the same way, acted the same way, looked the same way, what a boring world this would be.  This statement is so true. Someone very wise that loves me has said this more than once.

As always, I still want everyone around me happy.  Happy in me and happy in their own lives.  I feel there is so much hate and unhappiness in this world.  I know you can’t be happy all the time.  But looking at the positive side of things as much as possible does help in having better days, better relationships and better moods.  Yes, some days are more difficult than others to find that positive outlook. No matter what, you are alive and able to change things if you set your mind to it. 

I have gone a bit off the subject.  When I touch on something I feel strongly about, that is what I do.  And I seem to be able to write things down to make a point much better than saying them.  

I just want to thank all those that support me, and especially the man that is always by my side as my support, friend, guide, protector, and love.  

I have a way to go still but I know I am on the right track.

Take Me As You See Me

Woman with hair flying around face

*Pixabay

I have taken a really long break from here and writing (other than the Smut Marathon and the occasional short story).  I will be starting back up in the next week as well as working on a couple of new projects.

In the mean time:

 

Take me as you see me

Take me as I am

I have no other form to give

Nor will make a new demand

I have given so much of myself

And tried to understand

That no matter what we do in life

We must hold each other’s hand

So do your best in all you do

Love and make amends

To all the troubles and downs in life

And make a stronger stand

Cause all we have each day we are given

Thankful to be in this land

So blessed to be among you all

As kind, supportive and absolutely grande!

 

K ~ xx

#SoSS – Day 9 – #EveryDamnDayInJune

Well, I missed yesterday.  🙁

Hopefully this will make up for it though.  I haven’t done this in a very long time and even though it is Sunday evening instead of Saturday, I am going to share my #SoSS!  And it is not my normal SoSS as well.

I am slowly beginning to write a little more again and participate in the prompts and memes.  I love this community and how we enjoy sharing writing and life happenings.  I am also learning a little more every time I write.  We all have our ways of writing.  Everyone has particular things they look for and really enjoy in what they read.  There are also different understandings in what is being asked of us to write and in what ways.

Each week prior to today, in my SoSS, I would share the stories I would have picked for the prompts and/or memes, as well as those that had been picked for the week.  It is a hard thing to do because there are so many great stories and writers participating each week.

Changing:

I let what I love to do, my writing, be affected by others.  I let how other people saw me (even though extremely distorted and judgmental) determine how I saw myself and my writing.  That is wrong and I know this.  I am finding my voice and how I want to share it.  I may not be right for some.  And I may not make others happy in knowing what I write about, but this is me.  It is what I am enjoying at this moment.  No, it may not last forever and it may be something completely different in a few years down the road, but this is me right here and right now.

Right now:

So, if you enjoy my writings, my sharing, my ways of doing things, I am so happy!  If this is the first time you have come upon me and see that you like, please continue to come back! (*although, if you are below the age of 18, please do not continue because some of the information and writings are not appropriate*)  If you do not like what I am writing and sharing, I am sorry and I ask that you move on to something you do like and enjoy, and thank you for stopping by.

Most prompts and memes I participate in, I will share my writings or stories for that particular week, if any, and then I will also share the other prompts and memes for you to check out because each one has such great entries! I am not doing that this week due to time, but starting next week I will be back to it!

Thank you to those that give us the prompts and memes to participate in weekly and please continue to do so!! We love you!

xx

 

Landmarks and Baby to Giant Steps

Picture on Pixabay

I have had so many landmarks and steps in the last few years.  Especially in the last year here on my blog.  

In the beginning

I was introduced to my first podcast, Loving BDSM with Kayla Lords and John Brownstone.  I checked out their website and listened to their podcast (from the beginning I might add 😉 ). I wanted to know more! I was so intrigued about the possibility of having something (other than social media norm) to actually write and share things on.

So I started reading what people were writing on Kayla’s Masturbation Monday prompt site. I wanted to do that!  But I didn’t have a blog to participate through, so I asked Kayla how I could join in.  She said I could do a guest story. So I did! Eeek! That was thrilling, nerve racking and scary! But I did it and loved the comments I received from doing it.  I was hooked!

Blog time

I started by opening my blog to be able to share feelings, stories and things I was going through.  I wanted to know if there were others out there like me and to maybe see if I could go anywhere with my writing. I began as a newbie, as everyone does, floundering through what I was doing and just trying to get my feet planted into something I could be proud of and enjoy.  

I read other blogs and realized there were other prompts and memes to participate in as well.  So, slowly I started doing TMI Tuesday, Wicked Wednesday, Friday Flash and then a couple of others like Food For Thought Friday, Fantasy Smut Friday, #SoSS, and even Sinful Sunday once!  When I started participating in all these different prompts and memes I noticed I was getting more and more followers.  Like my social media sites, I was actually getting followers by doing something I love and enjoy!

I also realized I was getting a little better at my writing.  But I also could see I had a long way to go and needed to get better.  

Well, at the end of last year I realized there was a contest going on called the Smut Marathon.  I read about it and how it had changed people’s writing and how much better they felt about their writing after participating. I thought about it, read more about it and decided I was going to do this marathon of writing when it started back up this year.  If nothing else, I would be a better writer hopefully and even if I didn’t stay in it for long, I would have that.  

Believe it or not, I am still in the running.  Granted, I know it is more about the number staying in the marathon than it is my writing at this point, but I can already tell a difference and how much better I am getting. So for that I am thankful!

As of this post, this will be my 201 post on my blog (I have deleted a few I thought did not need to be here any longer).  I am in my second year of blogging and feel a part of a loving community.

Meeting those I admire… 

Right around the mark of my first year as a blogger I was blessed to be able to go and meet so many of these wonderful writers and bloggers that I look up to at Eroticon. (Thank you Daddy!)  I was giddy, excited, shy, nervous, and so much more to be there meeting these great people.  Yes, I was and am still the big “fangirl”! 

I met Kayla and John finally face to face!! We had talked for so long on DM before we finally got to meet.  I met Molly and Michael (great hosts and minds behind Eroticon) Cara Thereon, Girl on the Net, Marie Rebelle (love her! we just clicked! 🙂 like I was just at peace and happy being around her) and Master T, E.L. Byrne, Missy, Sub Bee and Sub-Bee Keeper, Barefoot Sub, Naughty Tea Owl, Brigit Delaney, Bianca, Floss and Bakji, Jaime Mortimer, Amy Norton, Victoria Blisse and a few others I just saw from a distance but didn’t get to talk to at all. 

And so

I am looking forward to many more landmarks and steps forward.  I have a few things planned and can’t wait to see where they go! 

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Kilted Wookie, thank you for leading this great meme. 100! Wow! I hate I haven’t done but a couple of them while you were leading it, but they have been fun to read.  Good luck to May and Floss as they take over. 

xx

Taking Time

I have been a bit over doing it recently in all aspects of my life.  So, I have taken a small hiatus to regroup.  No worries.  Nothing to take me away for long.  Just needed a short break.  Am working on a project and a few stories and will soon be sharing.

Checking in to show my support with likes and comments.

Have a great week and see you all soon! <3

xx

Always Changing

*Photo from Pixabay

I have changed so much since starting my blog (The one before this and on into this one).  I have learned so much and because of this am different than who I was and where I was when I first started.  

I began my blog to have a place to share my thoughts and feelings, hoping to get some feed back and maybe find others in the same place I was; as well as write and get involved in a community where I can be me.   

Starting out I did this.  I shared my thoughts and feelings of where I was at the time, things I was going through, and tried to do a bit of writing.  In the writing I thought, well, I am creative, I can do this no problem.  Wrong! I didn’t know how or where to start.

Once I realized there were memes and prompts to participate in, I thought it would be so great to tell stories and hopefully others would like them too.  

Well, then I read others’ posts and stories; all personal, real life and fictional.  Still thinking my work was up to par with others, I was disappointed I wasn’t getting many likes or comments, as well as not getting picked as a top three in the weekly choices.  So, I started paying more attention to what others were writing.  I started really taking in how others write and what gets the attention of readers.  There are different reasons, of course and different genres in the sexy stories I read.  I also started commenting along with the liking, because I know how much I appreciate having a comment or two.

I was getting followers left and right and building my follow count pretty well but still would only get a comment or like here and there occasionally.  So, I decided I would continue to participate and change things up a bit.  I love writing fictional stories and fantasies.  So, I started writing more of these recently.  I also decided to jump into the Smut Marathon.  I knew, if nothing else, I would learn and hopefully get better at my writing.  

I have found I am a cliché kinda girl and didn’t realize it.  So, once again, I am trying to change things up.  

Just a day or two ago I came across one of the bloggers posting about feeling that “imposter syndrome”.  It hit me.  I have been feeling that way a lot lately.  That I am a fraud, an imposter, and not good enough to be a part of this writing community and these wonderful writers I participate in writing with. (There goes that anxiety/mind taking over to protect me thing that happens.)

But I want to be so badly and know in my heart that I can because it’s what I love. 

I look up to all these great writers and when I met so many of them recently I felt overwhelmed, excited and fan-girlish (is that a word?) because I want to be like them.  I know, I know….I can’t be like them.  I am my own person.  But, I want to be really good at this writing thing.  I want to move people.  I want them to want more.  I have been told by a few that they really like my stories, which has made me feel excited and happy.  I just want to REALLY touch people, move them in a way I feel when I read other writings.  

I can see a change in a lot of my writing but know I need to do so much more.  I will continue to work on things, pay attention to what makes other stories so great, get feed back and take it in to be used as I can, and to enjoy getting to know the other writers I am so in awe of.  (And which are becoming friends!)

I am a work in progress.  In so many ways.  

Thank you to each and every one of you that take the time to read my blog.  It means so much!

<3

The Eyes Have It

Eyes and eye contact

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Kink of the Week December 16-31: Eyes and eye contact

“The Eyes are the window to your soul”
~ William Shakespeare


I have always had a thing for eyes. Their color, their shape. What you can see there. When you look closely, you can see that the eyes have it.  They have it all.  All about the person, their emotion, their thoughts, their truth and their depth.  Look closely and you can see the eyes have it all.

Eyes are beautiful!

Whether blue, green, hazel, brown or whatever color you see there.  Whether oddly shaped, one or two eyes, any kind of eyes.  I have learned that if a person is looking at you and they look away while talking they are either shy or telling a lie or untruth.  I love the challenge of looking at someone in a battle of look-away.  Eyes start watering, burning, or itching but until you absolutely have to, you don’t look away!

The most intense eye contact however is my Daddy and me.  If I am in a strange mood or not feeling up to the norm, Daddy will stop in front of me and say, “Kitten, look at me.”  I will look at him and he will look deep into my eyes and ask what is wrong.  What can he do?  He normally knows when I am a bit off and it worries him.  So, he stops and looks deep to find out what it is.

Also, when he is not happy about something, disappointed or upset about something he will give me that stern look in his eyes and I know I am in some kind of trouble then!

I have been told you can read my face like a book.  My eyes and expressions give away everything.  I think I have gotten better over the years, but I mainly have not changed.  At least to those who know me best.


One day I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes and Daddy calls to me, “Kitten, come here please.”

“One moment Daddy.  Let me finish putting the dishes away please.”

“Very well.”

Once I have finished I go into the living room area and Daddy is sitting on the couch on the edge of the cushion waiting on me.

“Come here Kitten and sit down beside me.”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“Kitten I am very disappointed.”

“About what Daddy?  What have I done?”  (Yes, I automatically believe I have done something wrong and have this sick feeling in my gut because I absolutely hate to make Daddy upset or let down.)

“You have been a naughty girl, Kitten.”  He looks at me most sternly.

“Please Daddy, what have I done?”

“You have not reminded me about something very important, Kitten, so now I need you to go and get your clothes off, grab my paddles and lay on the edge of the bed.  I will be there in a few moments.”

Looking abashed I go to our room and do as Daddy says.

I am nervous and so filled with trepidation for what I possibly might have done.  But I do as he says and am across the bed in just a few moments.

Daddy is not long, which also makes me nervous for he will normally take his time, and he comes in the room with, once again, that stern look in his eyes.  Yet, I see just a bit of, shall I say, amusement in his eye.  Well that gets me even more on edge.

“Well, Kitten, did you figure out what you did not remind me of yet?”

“No, Sir, what did I not remind you of?  An appointment?  A blog post?  I am really not sure.”

“Kitten, what is today?”

“My birthday Daddy.”  I look confused.  Then I light switch goes on in my head and I think, Duh! What does Daddy love to do most of all in all our play times and discipline times?? Spankings!!!  I groan as I realize this and look up at him again.  Daddy is smiling like a Cheshire cat and loving that he has seen it in my eyes and my face, the realization that I have not reminded him of my spankings for my birthday.

“Oh yes, my girl, it is birthday spanking time, and ohhhh how your Daddy is looking forward to this!”  It is all over his face and you can read it in his eye that he is ecstatic to have an extra reason to give me a spanking.

“Yes, Daddy, you are right I didn’t remind you of my birthday spanking.  I didn’t think I would need to, however, since that is one of your most favorite things to do.”

He caught the look of sarcasm in my eyes and expression.  “Just for that, you cheeky girl, you will get an extra 20!”  And off he goes giving me a birthday spanking I have yet to forget!


*Pic from Pinterest

KOTW

 

TMI Tuesday

Life is very hectic right now. For many of you, this time of year may be “hectic holidays”. Well, if you have a little time you can play the following TMI Tuesday any time, any day.

Happy Holiday Season!

1. Are you celebrating or have you celebrated any holidays this December 2018? Yes, went to a couple of parties and family get-togethers.

2. Describe your typical holiday celebration. Getting a live tree and decorating it, watching Christmas movies on Hallmark as well as movies we have, baking cookies and sharing them, getting gifts for those we love and getting them wrapped, and then celebrating the day with family and friends.

3. Now tell us how you really would like to spend your holiday season. Oh definitely that, or maybe travel to other places and see how they celebrate the season ?

4. This time of year broadcast TV is filled with Christmas movies. What is your favorite Christmas movie? I would say definitely the classics as well as The Holiday

5. Does your place of work do a gift exchange or secret santa? Do you participate? What gift did you buy to giveaway this year? What gift did you get? Where I used to work did Secret Santa but where I am now does not. It’s so much fun!

Bonus: Have you been naughty or nice?

Both, definitely‼️?

 

Check out the other TMI posts!

https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/

F4TFriday #78

F4TFriday #78 – Bits & Bobs

#F4TFriday
Using last week’s questions, I am guessing this is for this week, so here goes:

As the year draws ever closer to a close and the holidays approach, this time of year is often one of reflection as well as celebration.

Keeping the reflective theme in mind, what we want to know this week is:

When do you feel happiest in your skin?  I feel the happiest when I am going to the gym, walking, eating healthy and having fun with my Daddy (sex and play)

How do you maintain balance in your life? Is there anything you need to change? Balance is something new I am learning to do.  I am understanding my limits, my boundaries and what is best for me and my exchanges with others.  By doing this, I am reminding myself to think over things before acting and going to counseling on a weekly basis.

What has been a particularly challenging situation that you have faced? How did you handle it? What did you learn from it?  The particularly challenging situation this year has been learning how to communicate with both family and friends, realizing what I need to make me happy (even if it doesn’t make others happy) and dealing with things differently than I have before.  It is making me a better person and I feel better in myself for it.

What does it mean to live authentically? To live authentically is to respect yourself and do things even if it makes others uncomfortable or questioning.  You have to be happy in you and be true to yourself, be authentic in you and who you are.

What are the things that inspire you and how do they work for you?  The things that inspire me is writing, music and those around me.  It helps me deal with my issues and in understanding myself and others.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?  If I could change something about myself, it would be to be true to me at all times. To be sensitive but to not let it overtake who and what I am.  To actually be that authentic me better.

 

Ethics of Kink – Day 11 of 30 Days of Kink

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Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

I’m really late today! My view on the ethics of BDSM/Kink:

The contract for BDSM, D/s, M/s, or what ever your dynamic in this lifestyle is an important part of starting out protected for all parties involved.  I know some do written and signed while others do verbal.  It lets the parties know the rules, how they want the relationship to grow and work and gives a good guideline to any future changes.

Another protection for all parties is the safe words.  They are there to protect the sub/bottom to make sure the Dom/me knows the limits they can take their sub/bottom to and that they can handle as well as protecting the Dom/me from not knowing the limits they are working with.  I have found over time the Dom/me seems to be able to read their sub/bottom better the longer they are together and the safe words may not be used or needed even though its good they are there just in case they are ever needed.

Not only are these great ethical dynamics to the lifestyle but one other thing is the support and information that those in the community are willing to help out with and share.  It has amazed me and fills my heart with joy to know there are those in the community you can trust and talk to, even over those phonies that are out there.