Kink and BDSM Reference

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In my normal #SoSS spot this week, I am sharing some information I think is so important for the BDSM/Kinky lifestyle.

I know when I first started to look into the aspects of BDSM, Kink and D/s, I was on the internet a lot, social media, reading books and articles.  I found great podcasts as well.

Whether you are new to this subject or want more information, I have a few references to share from my long-time and recent finds.

PODCASTS:

I will start first with podcasts.

*My absolute favorite is Loving BDSM with Kayla Lords and John Brownstone.  Their latest one is on Saying “No” In D/s Relationships and they have some great recommendations and input on this subject.

*Another fun and informative podcast is Proud to Be Kinky with Floss and Bakji Ben. Their latest one is Max & Kitty Again! from this past Wednesday. They talk about impact play and implements they use.

*Very informative and with many perspectives (four actually) is the podcast The Ersties Podcast. The last one I caught being The Squirting Masterclass which, I would expect that to catch many people’s attention!

I know there are many others out there, but for now that would be the top three I have listened to for informative information.

LINKS:

Now, there are so many links out there to find for information.  Using any words that you can think of, like Kink, BDSM, Lifestyle, Kinky relationships, etc…

A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is a great source for information for anyone wanting to know more and just getting into the kink/BDSM scene.

Kinky Sex Tips has some kinky sex ideas in spicing up your sex life with your partner.

A great description and write up on BDSM is A Loving Introduction to BDSM on the Psychology Today site. It describes and talks about all the key points in a relationship that is focused on BDSM and all the aspects it includes.

BLOGS:

There are so many blogs I started following because they gave such great perspectives of their lives in D/s and BDSM.  They are all wonderful people and most will answer questions if you are not sure about an aspect of the lifestyle.

Here are a few I initially followed for this reason, but not all.

*Kayla Lords and John Brownstone because of Loving BDSM

*Molly of Molly’s Daily Kiss

*Marie of Rebel’s Notes

*E.L. Byrne of E.L. Byrne Writer

*Posy Churchgate and her Pillow Talk

*Missy of Submissy

*F. Dot Leonora

And my list has exploded and expanded triple fold! If you want to check them all out, go to my list of ones I follow and you will find those you will benefit from as well.

Happy hunting and researching!!

Kurvy 😉

I Have Come To Realize

What I have come to realize in the last few years is there is such a huge misunderstanding about erotica, BDSM lifestyle (and all that goes with it), sex bloggers/writers and sex workers.  Each topic is not all black and white as many have decided it is.  So, it is important to read up on, research and get to understand each one.

There are so many that are so great at what they do and talk about.  And they are normal people.  Like you and me.  They are good hearted, truthful, open minded, loyal and just normal.  Yes, some may have things they deal with on a daily basis, but, who doesn’t for the most part??  

And yes, some are the actual “bad apples” that make these things seem so bad.  But they are not the majority.  

These people that do the blogging, writing and sharing may seem like stars and heroes to some.  (Yes, I have my fangirl moments with some I have met in person or talk to in a message! Ha!)  They may seem out of reach and unapproachable.  But, I have found, most are very approachable and willing to talk.  

The thing is, they are not evil. They are not “devil worshipers” and not people to be afraid of. 

So many are willing to open up their personal lives for others to understand.  They are willing to let people see that they are just like other people out in the world.  I have seen how they have helped others understand themselves.  How they have touched others with things they have shared.  

I have seen a community support each other through judgements and misunderstandings.  Not just from public perception, but also from family and friends.  It is hard when those you love do not even try to understand.  Just because you enjoy a different way of life and just because you are different from them.  

And yet, through all this, they are steadfast in their beliefs, in what they feel is important information to get out there and share.    There is so much that people don’t understand and want to know more about.  There are people struggling that were not brought up to be comfortable in who they are.  People that don’t know and understand their own bodies.  Those that were either brought up to be ashamed of their bodies and needs, or had no one to teach them and educate them more about sex and being comfortable in their own skin.

I have found that not many close to us understand nor want to accept change.  Not only in those they love and think of in one way, but definitely not themselves.

So, yes, I feel that what these special people do and share is so important and so amazing.  

There is a lot of good in what is shared here.  

Furthermore, for better understanding of these topics, this is my take of each of these topics. In contrast, I am including the given definition by Merriam-Webster:

Erotica writing, both fiction and non-fiction, helps those that write as well as those that read.  Understanding ourselves and things that we want to experience and learn about in regard to sex or some kinks.  It doesn’t have to be straight out explicit sex, but that which arouses one sexually.

Merriam-Webster definition of Erotic:

1: of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire erotic art
2: strongly marked or affected by sexual desire

BDSM lifestyle has so many avenues to explore and a person needs to find what is right for them.  Be it bondage and discipline, Domination and submission, Sadism and masochism; there are so many different aspects of this lifestyle, as long as it is gone into as safe, sane and consensual adults.  

Merriam-Webster definition of BDSM:

: sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain BDSM refers to a range of sexual preferences that generally relate to enjoyment of physical control, psychological control, and/or pain. It can be broken down into six overarching components: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline consist of using physical or psychological restraints, domination and submission involve an exchange of power and control, and sadism and masochism refer to taking pleasure in others’ or one’s own pain or humiliation. Those who practice BDSM may identify with one or more, in any combination, of these components.— Ali Hebert and Angela Weaver, Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, August 2014

Sex bloggers/writers are those that share their lives and stories, both fiction and non-fiction, real life experiences and fantasies they would like to explore.  They are also there to offer information and input into things that others may be interested in, places to look for information and what they have gone through themselves.  

(No specific definition for this 😉 )

Sex workers; that phrase covers such an extensive area.  It is said that sex workers are not only those that pleasure clients in sex, but those that write about sex to help others find pleasure in writing, those that talk over the phone about sex, and so much more.  

Merriam-Webster definition:

: a person whose work involves sexually explicit behavior

I have only touched lightly on these subjects.  There is so much research, information and learning that can be done on all these subjects.  

Suggested Sites for Information:

There are so many bloggers and writers in this community that you can learn from and pull information from.  I know I have learned so much from them.

I can also say that I have received an immense amount of support from some of those I love as well as this amazing community.

Because there are those of you searching and learning, being new or somewhat experienced, I am going to share some writers, bloggers and podcasters below that I have learned so much from not only in the beginning but throughout the last few years:

(I know this is not all of them and I apologize if not all mentioned.  I will most likely come back and add as I think about others)

Kalya Lords

Loving BDSM

Rebel Notes

Girl On The Net

Molly’s Daily Kiss

E.L.Byrne

Posy Churchgate

Jayne Renault

Victoria Blisse

Proud To Be Kinky

Floss Does Life

May More

Cara Thereon

Dr. J.

Ria Restrepo

Cousin Pons

Lascivious Lucy

Brigit Delaney

F. Dot Leonora

Violet Fawkes

Dom, Sub, Switch? – Day 1 of 30 Days of Kink

I saw a fellow blogger posting the 30 days of Kink challenge and decided I wanted to do this starting today, November 1. So, this should be interesting…here goes:

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Definitely Submissive!  I love to serve and feel needed.  I feel I need guidance, protection, support and a bit of discipline.  I cannot see myself as a dominant nor switch.

Definition of: What is a sub? By The Ultimate Guide to being a Submissive

The definition of a submissive is an obedient, compliant person who likes to give up control.  They crave being used and need to serve.  They are the subservient partner of a relationship and that is why “sub” is always spelled with a lowercase while “Dom” is always capital.  A submissive can take on many different roles such as:

They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually.  This means that they may have to give up some of their own personal freedoms and preferences.  It is not uncommon for a sub to have a mild and quiet personality. They are obedient, and accept disciplinewhen needed.  Subs aim to conduct themselves  in a respectful and modest manner at all times, recognizing that their behavior is a direct reflection on their Dom.

I don’t completely agree with the above definition, but, it covers all. I am somewhat of a little (DD/lg, D/s-where I don’t do age play but need the guidance and enjoy doing things like coloring, watching movies, etc…), slight masochist and Kitten/babygirl.  I need the freedom to give up my control to center my mind and being.  My mind does the over-thinking, over-analyzing a lot and needs that guidance and giving up of control to lead it to be quiet.  It’s amazing to have that ability in the D/s relationship.

Now, we are all different and have our own ways of doing things and living the lifestyle in our own way.  It is up to the Dom/sub relationship/partners to determine what rules and ways of that D/s relationship they will live and follow, whether it be just a relationship where they get together as scheduled, or a 24/7/365 lifestyle relationship.

So, that is my kinky self…submissive.

Have a wonderful day and Happy November 1!

*Pic from Tinkleberry

Oh How The Mind and Body React – NSFW

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Here I lay on our bed, legs tied apart to the posts on each corner, head propped up by pillows, in my beautiful purple corset, holdups and hair up in a pony tail and Daddy sitting in a leather armed chair just where he can watch me back from the foot of the bed.  He has left my hands free at the moment and I am waiting for his direction.

“Kitten, I want you to slowly, with your right hand touch the lips of your cunt and only your lips, moving up and down, from the tip around your clit to the lower part near your butt.  Then with your left hand play with your nipples.  Show Daddy how much you enjoy touching yourself for him.” He said.

“Yes Sir.” I said.  As I was wide open for him to see all, I felt vulnerable yet extremely horny, as I slid my fingers up and down my lips and pinched and caressed my nipples.

“Good girl. That’s it, slowly” he said as did so, “Look at me, don’t look away and don’t close your eyes.  Yes.  Imagine you are being watched by several Dom/mes and subs.  They are surrounding us, around my chair and the bed.  Your eyes stay on me, knowing they are here watching.  Now, dip your fingers, two of them, into your cunt and tell me what you feel.”

“Wet Daddy. Very horny.”

“Good girl.  That’s it, continue slowly sliding those fingers in and out.  Squeeze on your fingers with those lovely muscles that love to squeeze Daddy’s cock so hard.”

“Mmm, yes Sir, Daddy.”

“That’s my Kitten, my little minx.  Show me how much you enjoy touching yourself for me.  Oh yes.”

I sigh, more like a purring sound, and continue touching and fingering myself.  Oh how my mind and body react to his words.  Getting wetter and feeling the excitement building in my body, the sensations taking over my actions as I start to finger fuck myself harder and moan with the pleasure.

“Kitten…stop!” he says all of a sudden seeing me come close to climax.

I moan, stop myself and say, “Yes, Sir.”

“Good girl.”

He then stands, goes to one side and ties my wrist to the upper post on the right side then walks to the left side and does the same.  He then walks over to the foot of the bed and looks down at me.  “It’s Daddy’s turn,” he says with a gleam in his eyes.  I see the crop in his hand and he starts peppering me with pops from the crop up and down my legs and then a few good pops to my cunt that has me squealing. Once he feels pleased with his marks on me he drops the crop and dives in to my cunt. Licking my clit, my lips up and down, plunging his tongue into my pussy and not letting up until I am gasping.

He then stops for a second to look up at me, face glistening with my juices and he is back in, both tongue and fingers this time.  Finger fucking my cunt and licking my clit so fast it feels like a vibrator.  It didn’t take long till I was begging him to let me cum.  He waited a bit more into my begging before he finally told me to cum.  I did, and wow, did I ever!

He was not done however.  He picked up the Doxy and before I had even come down from that orgasm he had me buzzing back up to another.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even wiggle from it, and there was no escaping the fast building orgasm that was about to explode through me again.  I didn’t even have to beg. Daddy just said, “Cum for me now kitten!” And I did.

Once I did, Daddy loosened the ties on my legs and arms, pulled me down to the end of the bed and impaled me with his rock hard cock.  So hard it brought me back up quickly and as he reached his orgasm with mine he said, “You. Are. Mine!” with the last three pumps and we both cried out in our pleasure.

He then pulled out and climbed up with me, cradling me in his arms and just holding me for a while. Both of us basking in each other and what we share.

*Pic from Pinterest

 

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Some of my favorite kinks

Took me a bit to decide what I wanted to talk about on my blog post today.

I have decided to share some of my favorite Kinks:

*Spankings – with various implements as shared in my previous blog post

*Dress up – School girl, maid, flight attendant, cheerleader, lingerie… I know not everyone likes dressing up play times, but to me it’s fun and can get you (me) in the right mood and head space for play

*Bondage – Cuffs (hand cuffs, leather cuffs), rope, blind fold… This is an exciting part of play time; can make you (me) nervous, heart racing, senses heightened and feelings of no control

*Toys – Butt plugs, vibrators, wands, wheel, feathers… To me, these things help heighten and enhance the play time experience

*Pic from Pinterest

Getting to know my kink – Spankings

It’s fun getting to know my kink. Things I enjoy and didn’t realize I would, along with ones I absolutely knew I would.

Never thought I would be one to enjoy spankings. That is, until I realized being spanked made me hot, wet and horny! Once realizing this, I am now finding out the ones that really get me.

So far, I have been spanked with the following: hand, wooden paddles (large/small, thinner/thick), wooden spoons, hair brushes, leather paddles (small-large), crops, floggers and leather straps.

With the wooden implements like spoons and paddles, the solid “thwack” of the impact to my bottom is impressive by sound and feel of the larger paddles and cringingly stingy with the sharp pop of the smaller paddles and spoons. These are not my favorites but make the statement(s) needed when called for.

To me the hand, hair brushes, small leather paddle and/or crop are great for peppering my arse to get it warmed up and ready for further “punishment” and play. These “implements” are easier to work up from light to harder impacts, from what I have felt.

Out of the leather implements I have found so far that the leather strap(s) have the hardest impact, although the flogger can definitely be right there with it.

The flogger, however, I have found a bit more erotic in the feeling at impact than the other leather implements. To me it is like being caressed and given pain all in one. With the smaller flogger as it caresses will give the short sharp bite, where the larger flogger will give the thudding impact ending in a pop within that caress. This, if you can’t tell, is one of my favorite impact play implements.

The leather paddles I enjoy more than the wooden paddles. I think my body just enjoys the feel of leather (along with the smell, yummy!); the difference is definitely there. The impact is still stinging but not as much of a thud as the wood.

So, even though the wooden implements will always be in our impact play, I really enjoy the leather implements and how they affect me during our play.

There are so many other kinks I can talk about but will save them for another post. This kink, spankings, was just in the forefront of my mind and I wanted to share.

What kinks do you enjoy or have found more enjoyable than you thought? Would love to know!

*Pic from Pinterest

Time with Daddy

Spending time with Daddy is amazing and I dive completely into our time together. We are so comfortable together that we tease each other as well as share so much of the things we each like. It’s wonderful and we are so connected in so many ways.

Not only do we share our love of food and cooking, but things we like to do, like go on walks and watch wild life. And of course some intense play time when we can. I will write about one of our playtimes shortly.

It’s so great to have time together and feel so close. I hope you are enjoying your day/evening too!

 

*Pic from Pinterest

Have you found it?

It’s amazing the things you learn from research, reading other fellow bloggers’ posts and experience regarding the BDSM – D/s world! I have learned so very much in the last few years than I ever thought I would. And things I never even thought to know 20 to 30 years ago.

Constantly searching for something, knowing there was more and knowing you are craving it will drive you crazy. And when you finally find it and have that “ah-ha” moment, is incredible!

When I first realized there was more to love, sex, a connection and just overall lifestyle out there, it blew me away. Because I had been searching for something and not knowing what it was until it pretty much hit me and knocked me off my feet!

I have always been so sensitive to others; feeling their feelings, knowing if they were happy/sad/angry, trying to help if I could; then to meet one or two people you immediately connect with and share the same outlook and need in life…it’s absolutely amazing!

I don’t know if you have had this happen or been searching like I was, but I would love to know and share experiences if possible.

 

*Pic from Pinterest

Daddy/kitten world

When I am with Daddy, I feel happy and content. Like the rest of the world is nothing to worry about. I get lost in just being together, which is wonderful and amazing. May not be practical at times, I know, with all I have to do and responsibilities I have, but it’s nice to escape into my own Daddy/kitten world.

A world where we do things together through the day, have our play times, have fun cooking together and then our snuggle times.

I am so happy when we can just be together and be.