I Have Come To Realize

What I have come to realize in the last few years is there is such a huge misunderstanding about erotica, BDSM lifestyle (and all that goes with it), sex bloggers/writers and sex workers.  Each topic is not all black and white as many have decided it is.  So, it is important to read up on, research and get to understand each one.

There are so many that are so great at what they do and talk about.  And they are normal people.  Like you and me.  They are good hearted, truthful, open minded, loyal and just normal.  Yes, some may have things they deal with on a daily basis, but, who doesn’t for the most part??  

And yes, some are the actual “bad apples” that make these things seem so bad.  But they are not the majority.  

These people that do the blogging, writing and sharing may seem like stars and heroes to some.  (Yes, I have my fangirl moments with some I have met in person or talk to in a message! Ha!)  They may seem out of reach and unapproachable.  But, I have found, most are very approachable and willing to talk.  

The thing is, they are not evil. They are not “devil worshipers” and not people to be afraid of. 

So many are willing to open up their personal lives for others to understand.  They are willing to let people see that they are just like other people out in the world.  I have seen how they have helped others understand themselves.  How they have touched others with things they have shared.  

I have seen a community support each other through judgements and misunderstandings.  Not just from public perception, but also from family and friends.  It is hard when those you love do not even try to understand.  Just because you enjoy a different way of life and just because you are different from them.  

And yet, through all this, they are steadfast in their beliefs, in what they feel is important information to get out there and share.    There is so much that people don’t understand and want to know more about.  There are people struggling that were not brought up to be comfortable in who they are.  People that don’t know and understand their own bodies.  Those that were either brought up to be ashamed of their bodies and needs, or had no one to teach them and educate them more about sex and being comfortable in their own skin.

I have found that not many close to us understand nor want to accept change.  Not only in those they love and think of in one way, but definitely not themselves.

So, yes, I feel that what these special people do and share is so important and so amazing.  

There is a lot of good in what is shared here.  

Furthermore, for better understanding of these topics, this is my take of each of these topics. In contrast, I am including the given definition by Merriam-Webster:

Erotica writing, both fiction and non-fiction, helps those that write as well as those that read.  Understanding ourselves and things that we want to experience and learn about in regard to sex or some kinks.  It doesn’t have to be straight out explicit sex, but that which arouses one sexually.

Merriam-Webster definition of Erotic:

1: of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire erotic art
2: strongly marked or affected by sexual desire

BDSM lifestyle has so many avenues to explore and a person needs to find what is right for them.  Be it bondage and discipline, Domination and submission, Sadism and masochism; there are so many different aspects of this lifestyle, as long as it is gone into as safe, sane and consensual adults.  

Merriam-Webster definition of BDSM:

: sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain BDSM refers to a range of sexual preferences that generally relate to enjoyment of physical control, psychological control, and/or pain. It can be broken down into six overarching components: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline consist of using physical or psychological restraints, domination and submission involve an exchange of power and control, and sadism and masochism refer to taking pleasure in others’ or one’s own pain or humiliation. Those who practice BDSM may identify with one or more, in any combination, of these components.— Ali Hebert and Angela Weaver, Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, August 2014

Sex bloggers/writers are those that share their lives and stories, both fiction and non-fiction, real life experiences and fantasies they would like to explore.  They are also there to offer information and input into things that others may be interested in, places to look for information and what they have gone through themselves.  

(No specific definition for this 😉 )

Sex workers; that phrase covers such an extensive area.  It is said that sex workers are not only those that pleasure clients in sex, but those that write about sex to help others find pleasure in writing, those that talk over the phone about sex, and so much more.  

Merriam-Webster definition:

: a person whose work involves sexually explicit behavior

I have only touched lightly on these subjects.  There is so much research, information and learning that can be done on all these subjects.  

Suggested Sites for Information:

There are so many bloggers and writers in this community that you can learn from and pull information from.  I know I have learned so much from them.

I can also say that I have received an immense amount of support from some of those I love as well as this amazing community.

Because there are those of you searching and learning, being new or somewhat experienced, I am going to share some writers, bloggers and podcasters below that I have learned so much from not only in the beginning but throughout the last few years:

(I know this is not all of them and I apologize if not all mentioned.  I will most likely come back and add as I think about others)

Kalya Lords

Loving BDSM

Rebel Notes

Girl On The Net

Molly’s Daily Kiss

E.L.Byrne

Posy Churchgate

Jayne Renault

Victoria Blisse

Proud To Be Kinky

Floss Does Life

May More

Cara Thereon

Dr. J.

Ria Restrepo

Cousin Pons

Lascivious Lucy

Brigit Delaney

F. Dot Leonora

Violet Fawkes

Somebody Special – Nina Nesbitt

“That I don’t have to settle
Not for nobody, not for nobody
I’ve been loosing myself but lately
You got me thinking maybe, I got potential
To be somebody, to be somebody
To be somebody special”

I know there are many out there, along with me, that need to hear this.  I just love what this song says and had to share. <3

 

Day 3 of 30 Days of D/s – Titles & Labels

*Pixabay

What Titles and Labels Do You Prefer?

Some titles for Dominants may be Master, Sir, Daddy, Mistress, Lady, etc. Titles for submissives can be pet, babygirl, little one, boy, girl, etc.

Titles and Labels.  Some love them, some like them and some don’t like them at all.  Every person is different as is each relationship.  I think there are several I like but would never see myself as having, nor my partner.  And this can always change.  As relationships change I have known some to change titles and labels as well.  

Like, for instance, a couple starting out, call each other Sir and sub or maybe babygirl.  Then for some reason, as they develop, the Sir becomes also Daddy and the sub becomes not only babygirl but kitten or little one.  Or, maybe they had titles or labels and decided it was best to not have them at all.   

I honestly prefer babygirl or kitten.  They are sweet and just describe me the best.  And I can only see calling my Dom Sir or Daddy.  Now this of course can change, if the dynamic changes.  

To me, and not all people will see it this way, but, a nurturing, loving, guiding Dom is seen as a Daddy Dom or Sir.  A submissive under a Daddy Dom is immediately thought of as being in diapers, sucking a pacifier, etc…, that is the normal first thought of those hearing the name Daddy Dom.  I know it was for me when first learning these titles and labels.  He does not necessarily have a submissive that is a little who likes to dress up in little clothing or diapers, but there are those under a Daddy Dom that do.  

Yet, that is not me.  I am more of the submissive that likes to have a bit of discipline play, be able to have that “little” side of pouting, enjoy coloring and watching or reading Disney or happy movies.  That is not my normal day-to-day persona but it is there.  It gives me a chance to break away from responsibilities and just be silly for a while.

I also like to curl up on the couch, read, have quiet time, and just enjoy being me as an adult.  Writing, listening to music, having a good glass of wine and having me time.  As some would call, self-care time.  Everyone needs that kind of time.  

Not only submissives, but Dominants as well.  It’s very important for a relationship to have the time for self-care.  Each partner doing this is better at being more responsive and better communicators.  When they are able to have the time to regroup, take care of themselves and feel better about themselves before coming back to the partnership that needs to be strong, it helps.  I have seen it and experienced it.  [Oh! Went off on a tangent….oops!]

So, my take on the whole Titles and Labels is yes, I agree with them and these (above) are the ones I am into.  

Do you agree? Or like other ones better?

*Go to LovingBDSM to see more on these D/s topics <3 *

My #SoSS for week of April 8

I have been biting at the bit to get back in the blogging world and my writing!

So, I am starting here on my new blog site with my #SoSS. 🙂

Just sharing a few this week to get me started, and they are posts from Masturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday.  I picked four from each and there were soooo many great ones I hated I couldn’t share them all. 

So, here are my faves from each:

Masturbation Monday:

#1 – Outside by lascivity.co.uk  – Wonderful writing of a couple being able to completely take in the experience of being alone outside and enjoying one another.

#3 – The Sex Scientist Files by lustitude.com – Very sexy tale of a couple’s experience, especially her’s and what he gave to her in experience.

#11 – True Love’s Kiss by mycontrolledascent.com – Eery but kept me on my seat the whole time and a different take on the Sleeping Beauty tale. Wow!

#14 – Sleepy Saturday by bluesubmission.com – I can just imagine myself in her place.  How hot!

Wicked Wednesday:

#2 – Sexiness is a state of mind by brigitdelaney.com – Very moving and I can relate to this in so many ways.  Sexiness really is a state of a person’s mind.

#3 – Wicked Wednesday by sirandkittenspleasureplace.com – So very understanding how a person can get sucked into their own mind and fall for the body’s reaction to things.  I am so happy she has the support of the people she has. So many of us are similar to this.

#4 – A letter of thanks by toyforsir.com – How beautiful and kudos to her for staying strong and working through things after he is gone! x

#6 – Vincent by ifsexmatters.co.uk – May shares something so personal and life changing in a decision she had to make.  

Thank you to everyone that shared these posts in particular (that I shared above), but all the posts shared are always personal and mean something to each person writing. So, please go and read these posts through the links I have placed above. Share some love and comment on them if you can.  

Check out Marie Rebelle’s post for #SoSS.  She is so great at sharing the prompts and memes of others, and herself, that are used to help us all in our writing that any and all can participate in!

Next week I hope to be in full swing again.  Have a great weekend and new week coming up!

Secret Door – Wicked Wednesday

doors-1767562__480As Rebel explains:

So, the prompt…

Use a title of a song as your prompt and title of your piece.

It’s as easy as that. You can use any song you want… and your piece can be erotica, something about the song, an image… anything YOU want!


Imagine as you listen to the words.  A romantic insight.  This is where they take me:

There is a secret door in my mind.  One that is open to my Daddy’s words and imagination.  One that when opened and walked through can lead me to a whole new world.

Lights out with blindfold, feeding the words to my mind, freeing my soul and heart to do nothing but feel.  Feeling the pain that he gives and the pleasure that releases that pain.  I don’t need to understand, just need to trust in our connection.  To be lost in his world to find my freedom.  At times filled with tears because the pain and pleasure feel so good.

Flying to the heavens that he opens to me through our experiences.  We are together through the same door, a secret door, joined in our love and connection.  The life we choose is one we love and live through.  Sharing our combined pain and pleasure in trying new things and finding more and more of what we love together.

 

*Pic from Pixabay

See who else has joined in on Wicked Wednesday

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TMI Tuesday – Relationships Are Work

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1. Lingerie–do you like to give it as a gift or received it? I LOVE to receive lingerie!
2. What’s a good date night movie? A romantic comedy
3. When your partner asks you “what’s wrong?” do you most often say “nothing” when something clearly is wrong? Why?  I used to say nothing.  I no longer do that however.  I will normally say what is wrong or as to wait for a better time to talk about it.
4. To keep the fires burning, and the relationship fresh you need to send your significant other just one text. What is that text?  “I want and need you”

Bonus: What was your last grand romantic gesture?  Well, it could be one or two things… I made a romantic dinner dressed in nothing but an apron.  I also got him an implement he had been wanting for quite some time. 😉

That was fun! What’s next?? 😛

 

Playfulness – Wicked Wednesday

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I am blessed to have a Daddy Dom that sees the fun in our dynamic and the comical way we are at times in what we do, on a daily basis and in our play/scene times.  For me and who I am, I find the fun in most things.  So, to have someone that appreciates  that and does that himself for the most part, that’s why I say I am blessed.

I am a playful person and when my last relationship was falling apart and I was anxious and stressed all the time, it was very hard to find the fun in anything.  So, when I went in search of a change and something that would make me happy and give the fun/playfulness back into my life, I met Daddy.

At first I thought I needed the seriousness to guide me to get my life straight.  His guidance, understanding and control definitely helped me along. But it’s the fun side; his love of dress up, his ability to see the comical fun side of things and not being so very serious about things regarding part of our play times, that helped me overall get back to me and find the enjoyment in my life again.

Like when we play school girl or cheerleader, I can be cute, silly, pouty and flirty while we play and it’s part of the play that is expected.  I can go all into those characters without much worry that Daddy will get upset at me.  For the most part, when he acts stern and all upset Daddy on me, it’s him playing his part to be in character to give me my spankings and punishment in our play.  I see a twinkle in his eye and a lift of his lip at times trying to stay in character when I am being so “bad.”

Even when we play a serious sexy scene and there I am in my lingerie, stockings and heels, and Daddy has me bending over the bed with my feet on the floor, legs spread, and there go my feet in their heels slipping! I can’t help but giggle because here I am trying to be serious and follow Daddy’s direction and my feet are having other thoughts in the matter.  Daddy will then giggle for a second (cause he just can’t help it either) and then get back into character and say, “Kitten, stay put and stop moving around so Daddy can get at you properly (knowing I can’t and will finally give in).  Okay, get up on the bed then.  We will continue there.”

Some in the lifestyle may think that is improper or wrong, but it’s our dynamic and I love it.  I would not be able to be with someone, nor trust them, if all they were all the time was serious.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is always a time and place to be funny and playful, but we definitely take our D/s relationship seriously and of course have our serious times too.  But thank goodness I found someone who appreciates who I am, all of me, as I do him.

I have to be able to have the fun playfulness in my life!

*Pic from Pinterest

See what others are sharing on Wicked Wednesday !

 

Sexy Saturday’s #SoSS

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Masturbation Monday:

A Birthday Treat by Miss Eve E. – A short fun birthday treat of masturbation for him

Art Class by Posy Churchgate – Sexy model/artist excitement

Just Listen by Ria Restrepo – Loved this, where there is sexy talk over the phone

Wicked Wednesday:

Falling Leaves by Love is A Paraphilia – Hot written story in the midst of posts about writing

Writer’s Writing by Cara Thereon – From journals, to blogging to sex blogging, loved reading her story

Writing is the Painting of the Voice by A Leap of Faith – Reading about her changes and happenings in her writing and her life reminds me we all go through things that help us learn, especially about ourselves

Sinful Sunday Faves:

Electromagnetic Spanking by Submissy

Under the Covers by Captured Soul

The Cave by The Library of Nell

Some other prompts to check out:

TMI Tuesday

Food For Thought Friday

(This past Friday)

Friday Flash

(This past week was Listen and I really enjoyed reading these posts! Have fun!)

 

 

 

Partner Qualities – Day 24 of 30 Days of Kink

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

There are many qualities I look for.  The immediate connection, the shared interests in everyday things and kinky things and that we can enjoy one another’s company.  That we are comfortable with one another and can talk about anything.  That I feel safe and can trust my partner.  That my partner is a strong person and confident in himself and how he lives.  That even in a D/s relationship I can feel free to say how I feel and that I disagree without feeling the backlash of doing so.  To feel protected and guided yet able to do things freely if I feel the need to and not be put down for my views.

The most important of all the things I have listed above, is connection and trust.  If I feel at any point there is no connection or I am losing trust I used to disconnect and go inside myself to protect myself.  Now I am learning to say my peace and stand up for me.  There has to be self love and understanding I believe to have a healthy long standing relationship.  It doesn’t matter whether you are kink or vanilla.

And as Daddy has said over and over again, he does not want me as a weak individual but the strong woman he knows I am.  It means much more for me to give up my control to him, knowing I am strong enough in myself to do so.

 

*Pic used from Pinterest

A Healthy Relationship – Day 22 of 30 Days of Kink

 

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Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Honestly, all relationships, whether BDSM or vanilla should all be looked at in the same way when keeping the relationship healthy.  There should be trust and communication in any relationship, whether vanilla or BDSM.  Unfortunately that is not how things work most of the time, which is sad.

In a BDSM relationship it is extremely important to keep the lines of communication open and be honest at all times about things. If you don’t have this on a normal basis someone can actually get really hurt.  Whether in play or regular daily routine.

A vanilla relationship should be treated the same, but unfortunately the everyday life and daily routines get in the way, for most people, of communication and making sure you are both honest with things.  This is how relationships break down and things go wrong.  It’s where a couple splits apart because there is no communication, no understanding, no honesty because each person is just trying to get through each day.

Don’t get me wrong, it happens with BDSM relationships as well.  But it should not happen, per the experts and those that realize how important it is to have a healthy relationship in BDSM.  You can’t be Safe Sane and Consensual if you can’t communicate, be honest with one another and trust.  At least that is my take on it.

What do you think?

*Pic used from Pinterest