Sincere Thank You!

Picture from Pixabay

I am away right now taking care of some personal things in my life.  It is so hard to stay away, especially when I want to share so much. But, soon.

Right now, I just want to say a few words and thank you to those who have continued to support me and be there for me through all I have been going through.  

Thank you first to all of you who follow and read my blog.  It means so much that you would give your time to me, if even just a few minutes.  To those that support and give me feed back.  It lets me know that I am reaching someone, either to share in something or to give a piece of information you may need or needed to read again. Or to just enjoy a story that may touch you in some way.  (Good, I hope 😉 )

Thank you to the community I have immersed myself in and that have taken me in.  I know at times I was probably questioned at first for being real in why I was here and what I was about.  I was not sure at first about the answer to those questions.  I am slowly finding my purpose and niche in being here.  Initially it was to just share my feelings and things I was going through and experiencing.  I was writing in both fiction and in personal experience to see what would feel right.  Both do really, but I am finding my writing “voice” the more I am here.  I know I will continue in this way and keep growing.  

Thank you to those in the community that have become my friends and fast growing acquaintances that I hope develop into a wonderful friendship.  It means so much to be accepted, understood and knowing there are those around that can share things with me that I thought I was alone in.  I have learned so much and keep absorbing all the information.  I feel I am finding my true self because of you all! <3

Thank you to @TheGentlemansR1 (The Gentleman’s Relish) for his love and support of all I do and share.  It means so much to know you are by my side and enthusiastically encouraging me with my writing, experiences, learning and new ventures! 

Thank you again, everyone, for being here and in my life.  I am excited to see where this and all my other projects go in the coming years and hope you will be there through them all with me.  

Bless every single one of you! 

~Kurvy

I Have Come To Realize

What I have come to realize in the last few years is there is such a huge misunderstanding about erotica, BDSM lifestyle (and all that goes with it), sex bloggers/writers and sex workers.  Each topic is not all black and white as many have decided it is.  So, it is important to read up on, research and get to understand each one.

There are so many that are so great at what they do and talk about.  And they are normal people.  Like you and me.  They are good hearted, truthful, open minded, loyal and just normal.  Yes, some may have things they deal with on a daily basis, but, who doesn’t for the most part??  

And yes, some are the actual “bad apples” that make these things seem so bad.  But they are not the majority.  

These people that do the blogging, writing and sharing may seem like stars and heroes to some.  (Yes, I have my fangirl moments with some I have met in person or talk to in a message! Ha!)  They may seem out of reach and unapproachable.  But, I have found, most are very approachable and willing to talk.  

The thing is, they are not evil. They are not “devil worshipers” and not people to be afraid of. 

So many are willing to open up their personal lives for others to understand.  They are willing to let people see that they are just like other people out in the world.  I have seen how they have helped others understand themselves.  How they have touched others with things they have shared.  

I have seen a community support each other through judgements and misunderstandings.  Not just from public perception, but also from family and friends.  It is hard when those you love do not even try to understand.  Just because you enjoy a different way of life and just because you are different from them.  

And yet, through all this, they are steadfast in their beliefs, in what they feel is important information to get out there and share.    There is so much that people don’t understand and want to know more about.  There are people struggling that were not brought up to be comfortable in who they are.  People that don’t know and understand their own bodies.  Those that were either brought up to be ashamed of their bodies and needs, or had no one to teach them and educate them more about sex and being comfortable in their own skin.

I have found that not many close to us understand nor want to accept change.  Not only in those they love and think of in one way, but definitely not themselves.

So, yes, I feel that what these special people do and share is so important and so amazing.  

There is a lot of good in what is shared here.  

Furthermore, for better understanding of these topics, this is my take of each of these topics. In contrast, I am including the given definition by Merriam-Webster:

Erotica writing, both fiction and non-fiction, helps those that write as well as those that read.  Understanding ourselves and things that we want to experience and learn about in regard to sex or some kinks.  It doesn’t have to be straight out explicit sex, but that which arouses one sexually.

Merriam-Webster definition of Erotic:

1: of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire erotic art
2: strongly marked or affected by sexual desire

BDSM lifestyle has so many avenues to explore and a person needs to find what is right for them.  Be it bondage and discipline, Domination and submission, Sadism and masochism; there are so many different aspects of this lifestyle, as long as it is gone into as safe, sane and consensual adults.  

Merriam-Webster definition of BDSM:

: sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain BDSM refers to a range of sexual preferences that generally relate to enjoyment of physical control, psychological control, and/or pain. It can be broken down into six overarching components: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline consist of using physical or psychological restraints, domination and submission involve an exchange of power and control, and sadism and masochism refer to taking pleasure in others’ or one’s own pain or humiliation. Those who practice BDSM may identify with one or more, in any combination, of these components.— Ali Hebert and Angela Weaver, Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, August 2014

Sex bloggers/writers are those that share their lives and stories, both fiction and non-fiction, real life experiences and fantasies they would like to explore.  They are also there to offer information and input into things that others may be interested in, places to look for information and what they have gone through themselves.  

(No specific definition for this 😉 )

Sex workers; that phrase covers such an extensive area.  It is said that sex workers are not only those that pleasure clients in sex, but those that write about sex to help others find pleasure in writing, those that talk over the phone about sex, and so much more.  

Merriam-Webster definition:

: a person whose work involves sexually explicit behavior

I have only touched lightly on these subjects.  There is so much research, information and learning that can be done on all these subjects.  

Suggested Sites for Information:

There are so many bloggers and writers in this community that you can learn from and pull information from.  I know I have learned so much from them.

I can also say that I have received an immense amount of support from some of those I love as well as this amazing community.

Because there are those of you searching and learning, being new or somewhat experienced, I am going to share some writers, bloggers and podcasters below that I have learned so much from not only in the beginning but throughout the last few years:

(I know this is not all of them and I apologize if not all mentioned.  I will most likely come back and add as I think about others)

Kalya Lords

Loving BDSM

Rebel Notes

Girl On The Net

Molly’s Daily Kiss

E.L.Byrne

Posy Churchgate

Jayne Renault

Victoria Blisse

Proud To Be Kinky

Floss Does Life

May More

Cara Thereon

Dr. J.

Ria Restrepo

Cousin Pons

Lascivious Lucy

Brigit Delaney

F. Dot Leonora

Violet Fawkes

Always Changing

*Photo from Pixabay

I have changed so much since starting my blog (The one before this and on into this one).  I have learned so much and because of this am different than who I was and where I was when I first started.  

I began my blog to have a place to share my thoughts and feelings, hoping to get some feed back and maybe find others in the same place I was; as well as write and get involved in a community where I can be me.   

Starting out I did this.  I shared my thoughts and feelings of where I was at the time, things I was going through, and tried to do a bit of writing.  In the writing I thought, well, I am creative, I can do this no problem.  Wrong! I didn’t know how or where to start.

Once I realized there were memes and prompts to participate in, I thought it would be so great to tell stories and hopefully others would like them too.  

Well, then I read others’ posts and stories; all personal, real life and fictional.  Still thinking my work was up to par with others, I was disappointed I wasn’t getting many likes or comments, as well as not getting picked as a top three in the weekly choices.  So, I started paying more attention to what others were writing.  I started really taking in how others write and what gets the attention of readers.  There are different reasons, of course and different genres in the sexy stories I read.  I also started commenting along with the liking, because I know how much I appreciate having a comment or two.

I was getting followers left and right and building my follow count pretty well but still would only get a comment or like here and there occasionally.  So, I decided I would continue to participate and change things up a bit.  I love writing fictional stories and fantasies.  So, I started writing more of these recently.  I also decided to jump into the Smut Marathon.  I knew, if nothing else, I would learn and hopefully get better at my writing.  

I have found I am a cliché kinda girl and didn’t realize it.  So, once again, I am trying to change things up.  

Just a day or two ago I came across one of the bloggers posting about feeling that “imposter syndrome”.  It hit me.  I have been feeling that way a lot lately.  That I am a fraud, an imposter, and not good enough to be a part of this writing community and these wonderful writers I participate in writing with. (There goes that anxiety/mind taking over to protect me thing that happens.)

But I want to be so badly and know in my heart that I can because it’s what I love. 

I look up to all these great writers and when I met so many of them recently I felt overwhelmed, excited and fan-girlish (is that a word?) because I want to be like them.  I know, I know….I can’t be like them.  I am my own person.  But, I want to be really good at this writing thing.  I want to move people.  I want them to want more.  I have been told by a few that they really like my stories, which has made me feel excited and happy.  I just want to REALLY touch people, move them in a way I feel when I read other writings.  

I can see a change in a lot of my writing but know I need to do so much more.  I will continue to work on things, pay attention to what makes other stories so great, get feed back and take it in to be used as I can, and to enjoy getting to know the other writers I am so in awe of.  (And which are becoming friends!)

I am a work in progress.  In so many ways.  

Thank you to each and every one of you that take the time to read my blog.  It means so much!

<3

My Apologies

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I am sorry I have not been here for the last couple of weeks.  I have had a lot going on and dealing with many things.  I have had to do some serious thinking and serious decision-making.

I love this community and how close and supportive everyone is of each other.  I have never been great at holding long-standing friendships, but I can see me doing so in this wonderful community.  I love the writing, sharing and understanding we all have of one another.

As soon as I have made the serious decisions I need to make, I will let everyone know.

Until then, I will continue writing and doing what I can to show my support.  I love you all!!

 

Fried Brain

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Well…

My brain just feels fried right now.  Don’t know why.  It’s like it’s turned its creativity right off!  I can’t seem to get anything written so thought I would just type about what is going on, or not going on. Ha!

I guess everyone does this, but it’s very frustrating when you feel like you are just starting to get it.  I think it is so great how many of the bloggers have memes/prompts to help writers and other bloggers work up stories to share.  I know it has helped me.

And knowing this, I don’t want to stop because I can actually see my work getting a bit better.  So, why oh why does my brain feel it needs a break??

Okay, so, I will take a break right now, get some sleep and hopefully get back to it full force tomorrow!! 😉

Muah!

 

The Fear Is Real

fullsizeoutput_4bf7*Pic from Pixabay

This is not a sexy wicked story of fear.  This is real fear that is my truth to share today.  I have several fears I deal with daily.  Do you?

Mine from the past and present…Fear of disapproval, fear of letting people I love down and those around me down, fear of shame taking over, fear of losing those I love, fear of not being able to just be me and fear of losing myself again.

As a child I always had the fear of those around me, especially my parents, disapproving in me and the things I did.  Fear of not being good enough in the things  I did.  Or even just good enough for others to be around and love me.  I wanted to always make others happy and proud of me.  I avoided conflict as best I could and always was the one to try to make things better because of it.  I feared if I didn’t then I would lose the love and understanding of those around me that I loved, both family and friends.  I would feel shame if I did something wrong or what I saw as being wrong in other’s eyes.  Feeling this way was because of clues I would believe were there, such as shaking of the head, eyes looking into mine as if I was supposedly hiding something they had to find, a sigh or disappointing remark and then turning away;  so many ways for a then child up to young adult to see and take in a negative way.

Because of these things I was in constant fear of not doing things right.  Of not being good enough for anyone or for anything.  Fear that I would never find the right fit for a career, life, love, friendship, basically anything.

I felt that I wasn’t good enough in school, even though I graduated from both high school and college.   I got lower grades in both and ended up with a lower average, but still graduated and received my degree.  Proving right there I accomplished something, but in my mind it wasn’t good enough.  I know now that is wrong, but I still believed it.

Once I received my degree I started my career.  I was really good at it, to begin with, but I think with my self-doubt and feelings of not good enough, I self sabotaged myself.  Now I could be wrong in this self-analysis, but every time I did great at a job, I would end up not doing well and either looking for something new or being released from said job.

I know at the time I was married I thought and believed it was the one and only love I would need, throughout life.  Unfortunately circumstances changed and changed us to the point I felt I had lost and could not trust the relationship anymore because I had fought for it for so long and it never got better.  It was the one thing I did not give up on, for years, until I finally had to, for my own well being unfortunately.

Where friendships are concerned, I kept a safe distance from anyone.  I would get close and think I could trust and then something would happen to change the relationship or we just drifted apart.  I don’t know if this is once again self sabotage happening in these circumstances, but it happened, every time.  I have never had a really close friendship with anyone, and I think it was because in the past the person I trusted or got close to either stabbed me in the back or went away.  I felt I could never trust enough to hold on to someone who mattered that much to me.

I am not saying this for pity or for you to be sad for me.  It’s just a fact that I am coming to accept and understand and felt I should share.

I have friends now I consider close, but I am always on edge or on the lookout for the relationship to fail because of the past and that is not fair to those that are my friends. Not at all, and I know this.

So, even now, I have a hard time not being afraid that all these things will continue to be the same, happen in the same way as the past.  But I have to live my life the best way I can and I have to trust that things happen for a reason, people are in my life (or out of my life) for a reason and I am learning every day because of it.

The biggest fear I have over all is losing myself in all this.  I have before and I will not, repeat, will not, lose myself again.  I am finding myself again and learning to love the person I am, no matter what some might say, no matter how some might not approve.  I am me and I am accepting that and those around me need to, or unfortunately they need to move on.  I am working through my fears and feel confidant that one day I will be able to walk through them all, no matter how conflicted I am to do so.  I am surrounding myself with support and love.  Those that accept me for who I am now.

We all change, and hopefully for the better, because of ourselves and those around us.

 

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Our D/s and How Things Change

Slim, Girl, Beautiful, Model

*Picture from Pixabay.

This is a post I started writing a couple of months ago, but seeing a few others here talking about D/s and BDSM and the changes from what you believed when new and what you believe now, I decided to share too.

We (Daddy and I) have, what I think is, a great relationship.  Great communication, great understanding, great dynamic in our D/s relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, we have our disagreements.  We have our misunderstandings and, yes, we can both be hard-headed.  I am submissive, and yet I am what Daddy calls cheeky at times.  I speak my mind and can get fired up at times if I believe something strongly or feel someone I love is being hurt.  It’s just who I am.  But then, I have my submissive side, that loves to take care of things (especially Daddy) and do things to make him and others happy.  I love the way he takes care of me, protects me and guides me.  I respect him for who and how he is.

I have spent most of my life taking care of my family, being the one to make the decisions and be strong for those around me.  So that side of me comes out at times, when needed, when he expects me to follow his lead as his submissive.  And even though I fight it, I always go back to doing so.   It is that part of D/s that I need, to be able to hand over my control and follow his guidance so that I can find my centre, step away from the stress and anxiety, and just be his.

That being said, I have really changed my perspective and opinions since I was new to D/s and BDSM.  I know for a fact I was in what they call “sub frenzy” for the first year of finding, getting to know and understanding BDSM and D/s.  Any Dom that gave me attention or “wanted” me as theirs I immediately fell for.  I did anything I could to show them I was a great submissive.  It was all about showing how good I could be by doing as they said, even if it led me to get into trouble.  Or showing I could be so responsive to doing what they wanted me to sexually.  (Of course that was virtual, not actually in a RL situation)

I was very naive and trusting.  But, the more I researched, learned and talked to people, the more I realized there was so much more.  I finally decided I was being foolish, crazy and could get myself hurt, so was going to just keep researching and learning and not get involved with anyone.  Looking back, I was really lucky.  The only things getting hurt was my pride, self-esteem and feelings.

Then I met Daddy.  It’s always when you’re not looking that you meet a great person, especially one that makes a big difference in your life.  We just started talking, liked a lot of the same things, shared in a curiosity of certain things and just clicked.  Our friendship bloomed and for two people not looking for anyone, we have moved our relationship slowly to something so much more.  We are not only learning our own likes and dislikes, but each other’s as well.   Starting off as a LDR (long distance relationship) and working toward a RL 24/7 relationship is hard.  It is always proving difficult and frustrating but we are muscling through it and we will get there.

When we are together, I am happy and calm for the most part.  It is hard to be in this LDR, but we are both wanting it to go further once we are able to.  We both have things we are dealing with in our own separate lives to get us to that point.

We come together at times when we can, and feed off of one another and enjoy our time together where we can dive into our dynamic.  It never fails that we both fall into a low once we have to part, and I know we are even stronger in our love once we come back together.

We look forward to the day when we will be together all the time.  We know we will be in this lifestyle, in what is called a 24/7 D/s lifestyle.  A lifestyle where we will push and pull each other, having that power exchange in so many ways.  It will not always be a bed of roses, and we know this.  We will of course have ups and downs but we will continue to communicate, compromise and work together through our issues.  We will also enjoy learning and sharing new things together, as we already do.

I look forward to the future and what it holds for us.  It’s been a rocky road at times but I know everything we go through will be worth it in the coming years.

Just a song I have fallen in love with recently.  Enjoy!

 

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This Too Shall Pass

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My mind is going on and on non-stop.  It has been this way for the past few days.  There is so much happening in my life right now.  So much so that I haven’t been able to write much.  I have so much to do right now in my life that my brain is focusing on that instead.

It’s quite frustrating.  I’m actually surprised I am even focused enough to get the things done in my life that need to be done.  But, I am at least accomplishing that.  Then to calm my mind down, I am listening to a book and trying to relax.  I am hoping it is the way to get back to my writing and my creative side.  We will see I suppose.

I will get back to it, I know I will.  I just have to get past this crazy mind mess first.  As the saying goes, “This too shall pass.”

 

 

 

TMI Tuesday – Sex, Cereal and Ants

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1. What was your favorite part of yesterday?  Getting some things taken care of

2. If you could make your own porn movie, what would you call it? Would you write it, direct and/or star in the movie?  Oh crap! I have no idea! Hmmmm….. What about “Come With Me”  or “Make Me”! Ha!  I would have a part in all of it I think.  More fun that way! 😉

3. What do you like the least about sex?  Is there really something to like least about sex?? I mean, maybe when feeling insecure about myself….

4. So, now what are you planning to do?  About….?  Life? Sex? Tonight? Tomorrow?   Planning to do for what? Not sure, guess I will find out when it happens.

5. If you were a box of cereal, what would you be and why?  Fruit Loops!  I am a bit silly and fruity at times and a bit loopy….only makes sense 😉

Bonus: If you could shrink down to ant-sized, what would you do?  I would make sure I didn’t get stepped on! That wouldn’t be good! Sheesh!

 

See who else is having fun answering these TMI questions!

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