I Have Come To Realize

What I have come to realize in the last few years is there is such a huge misunderstanding about erotica, BDSM lifestyle (and all that goes with it), sex bloggers/writers and sex workers.  Each topic is not all black and white as many have decided it is.  So, it is important to read up on, research and get to understand each one.

There are so many that are so great at what they do and talk about.  And they are normal people.  Like you and me.  They are good hearted, truthful, open minded, loyal and just normal.  Yes, some may have things they deal with on a daily basis, but, who doesn’t for the most part??  

And yes, some are the actual “bad apples” that make these things seem so bad.  But they are not the majority.  

These people that do the blogging, writing and sharing may seem like stars and heroes to some.  (Yes, I have my fangirl moments with some I have met in person or talk to in a message! Ha!)  They may seem out of reach and unapproachable.  But, I have found, most are very approachable and willing to talk.  

The thing is, they are not evil. They are not “devil worshipers” and not people to be afraid of. 

So many are willing to open up their personal lives for others to understand.  They are willing to let people see that they are just like other people out in the world.  I have seen how they have helped others understand themselves.  How they have touched others with things they have shared.  

I have seen a community support each other through judgements and misunderstandings.  Not just from public perception, but also from family and friends.  It is hard when those you love do not even try to understand.  Just because you enjoy a different way of life and just because you are different from them.  

And yet, through all this, they are steadfast in their beliefs, in what they feel is important information to get out there and share.    There is so much that people don’t understand and want to know more about.  There are people struggling that were not brought up to be comfortable in who they are.  People that don’t know and understand their own bodies.  Those that were either brought up to be ashamed of their bodies and needs, or had no one to teach them and educate them more about sex and being comfortable in their own skin.

I have found that not many close to us understand nor want to accept change.  Not only in those they love and think of in one way, but definitely not themselves.

So, yes, I feel that what these special people do and share is so important and so amazing.  

There is a lot of good in what is shared here.  

Furthermore, for better understanding of these topics, this is my take of each of these topics. In contrast, I am including the given definition by Merriam-Webster:

Erotica writing, both fiction and non-fiction, helps those that write as well as those that read.  Understanding ourselves and things that we want to experience and learn about in regard to sex or some kinks.  It doesn’t have to be straight out explicit sex, but that which arouses one sexually.

Merriam-Webster definition of Erotic:

1: of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire erotic art
2: strongly marked or affected by sexual desire

BDSM lifestyle has so many avenues to explore and a person needs to find what is right for them.  Be it bondage and discipline, Domination and submission, Sadism and masochism; there are so many different aspects of this lifestyle, as long as it is gone into as safe, sane and consensual adults.  

Merriam-Webster definition of BDSM:

: sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain BDSM refers to a range of sexual preferences that generally relate to enjoyment of physical control, psychological control, and/or pain. It can be broken down into six overarching components: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline consist of using physical or psychological restraints, domination and submission involve an exchange of power and control, and sadism and masochism refer to taking pleasure in others’ or one’s own pain or humiliation. Those who practice BDSM may identify with one or more, in any combination, of these components.— Ali Hebert and Angela Weaver, Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, August 2014

Sex bloggers/writers are those that share their lives and stories, both fiction and non-fiction, real life experiences and fantasies they would like to explore.  They are also there to offer information and input into things that others may be interested in, places to look for information and what they have gone through themselves.  

(No specific definition for this 😉 )

Sex workers; that phrase covers such an extensive area.  It is said that sex workers are not only those that pleasure clients in sex, but those that write about sex to help others find pleasure in writing, those that talk over the phone about sex, and so much more.  

Merriam-Webster definition:

: a person whose work involves sexually explicit behavior

I have only touched lightly on these subjects.  There is so much research, information and learning that can be done on all these subjects.  

Suggested Sites for Information:

There are so many bloggers and writers in this community that you can learn from and pull information from.  I know I have learned so much from them.

I can also say that I have received an immense amount of support from some of those I love as well as this amazing community.

Because there are those of you searching and learning, being new or somewhat experienced, I am going to share some writers, bloggers and podcasters below that I have learned so much from not only in the beginning but throughout the last few years:

(I know this is not all of them and I apologize if not all mentioned.  I will most likely come back and add as I think about others)

Kalya Lords

Loving BDSM

Rebel Notes

Girl On The Net

Molly’s Daily Kiss

E.L.Byrne

Posy Churchgate

Jayne Renault

Victoria Blisse

Proud To Be Kinky

Floss Does Life

May More

Cara Thereon

Dr. J.

Ria Restrepo

Cousin Pons

Lascivious Lucy

Brigit Delaney

F. Dot Leonora

Violet Fawkes

2 thoughts on “I Have Come To Realize

    1. You are so welcome. I have gotten so much from you and reading your posts. And yes, meeting you was absolutely wonderful. We did click! It was wonderful and I can’t wait to see you again. <3 xx

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