Always Changing

*Photo from Pixabay

I have changed so much since starting my blog (The one before this and on into this one).  I have learned so much and because of this am different than who I was and where I was when I first started.  

I began my blog to have a place to share my thoughts and feelings, hoping to get some feed back and maybe find others in the same place I was; as well as write and get involved in a community where I can be me.   

Starting out I did this.  I shared my thoughts and feelings of where I was at the time, things I was going through, and tried to do a bit of writing.  In the writing I thought, well, I am creative, I can do this no problem.  Wrong! I didn’t know how or where to start.

Once I realized there were memes and prompts to participate in, I thought it would be so great to tell stories and hopefully others would like them too.  

Well, then I read others’ posts and stories; all personal, real life and fictional.  Still thinking my work was up to par with others, I was disappointed I wasn’t getting many likes or comments, as well as not getting picked as a top three in the weekly choices.  So, I started paying more attention to what others were writing.  I started really taking in how others write and what gets the attention of readers.  There are different reasons, of course and different genres in the sexy stories I read.  I also started commenting along with the liking, because I know how much I appreciate having a comment or two.

I was getting followers left and right and building my follow count pretty well but still would only get a comment or like here and there occasionally.  So, I decided I would continue to participate and change things up a bit.  I love writing fictional stories and fantasies.  So, I started writing more of these recently.  I also decided to jump into the Smut Marathon.  I knew, if nothing else, I would learn and hopefully get better at my writing.  

I have found I am a cliché kinda girl and didn’t realize it.  So, once again, I am trying to change things up.  

Just a day or two ago I came across one of the bloggers posting about feeling that “imposter syndrome”.  It hit me.  I have been feeling that way a lot lately.  That I am a fraud, an imposter, and not good enough to be a part of this writing community and these wonderful writers I participate in writing with. (There goes that anxiety/mind taking over to protect me thing that happens.)

But I want to be so badly and know in my heart that I can because it’s what I love. 

I look up to all these great writers and when I met so many of them recently I felt overwhelmed, excited and fan-girlish (is that a word?) because I want to be like them.  I know, I know….I can’t be like them.  I am my own person.  But, I want to be really good at this writing thing.  I want to move people.  I want them to want more.  I have been told by a few that they really like my stories, which has made me feel excited and happy.  I just want to REALLY touch people, move them in a way I feel when I read other writings.  

I can see a change in a lot of my writing but know I need to do so much more.  I will continue to work on things, pay attention to what makes other stories so great, get feed back and take it in to be used as I can, and to enjoy getting to know the other writers I am so in awe of.  (And which are becoming friends!)

I am a work in progress.  In so many ways.  

Thank you to each and every one of you that take the time to read my blog.  It means so much!


10 thoughts on “Always Changing

  1. Your ability to loook introspectively into yourself is amazing! Never change or second guess yourself!
    We all grow and evolve! Keep doing this!
    Writing helps many of us process our thoughts desires and ‘little’ screaming to be released!
    Keep releasing- enjoybthe journey!
    Know there are some of us who are silent admirers of you! Time for me to say- wow!

    1. That has to be one of the nicest things anyone has said to me. Thank you!!
      You are right, releasing things by writing helps so much. And I will continue to do so.
      I hope you continue to enjoy. Have a wonderful rest of the week. 🙂

  2. I’ve always found that a lot of this is just keeping at writing. My struggle is the same. Sometimes I can overcome it and write, other times it makes me question myself. If you’re passionate about this, you’ll find your voice and your audience. One thing I’ve had to come to grips with early on was that people read and don’t comment. I’ve had to just live with the fact that at least they’re reading so my writing can impact them.

    Your passion shines through. ?

    1. I am beginning to see this. I suppose I see (here we go with the comparison thing) others doing so well and getting the reaction from others that I hope to receive and don’t. At least not yet. So, it is that questioning myself that happens and makes me second guess if I am good enough (another thing I am working on). It is so nice to know I am not the only one and especially that all writers seem to go through it. (Anxious Writers Club 😉 member) I hate it’s true, but nice to know. Thank you so much for your comment, Cara!!
      I will continue on and hopefully will know at some point that I do reach others and that it matters. Knowing it has to a few already helps. 🙂

  3. You’re killing it with followers, I just rebranded my blog yesterday and lost all forty of my followers that took six years to build up(lol)…Likes and followers are nice, but they are hardly the best indication of your talent and the work that goes into it…Keep writing, you’re on the right path…

    1. You are so right with the followers and likes being nice. (I am so sorry about the rebranding messing that up for you! So frustrating.) But it’s knowing that we are reaching others that moves us to do more and keep going. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop and say this. I appreciate it so much! 🙂

  4. You are so right, we are all works of progress, and I think many of us have gone through the same process of trying to find our own voice, and how else would we learn if we don’t look at how others do it. Over here we have a saying: don’t invent the wheel a second time. You don’t have to write what others do, but you can take inspiration from them and learn from them. I think you are doing well, and believe me, the comments will come, but it will never be a lot… the likes are always more. That’s one thing I learned through my 9 years of blogging.

    Rebel xox

    1. Wonderful advise! Thank you, Marie. It’s great to read and hear verification in what you see and feel. <3

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