Control

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OR the lack thereof…

From the time I went off to university and was in charge of my life and that around me, I was in control.  From student, to wife, to mother, I was still in control of my surroundings, children and life. So much so that I would feel overwhelmed a lot of times and stressed to the max, but knew I had to keep going, if only for my kids.

Once the kids were out the door and beginning their own lives, I finally realized I had lost myself and started looking for what was missing.  My life was changing.  My marriage was gone, I was losing control of everything around me, including my job and home life.  In the midst of all this I began to find myself and what I needed.

I found I needed to give up control to get the control back.  Control of my life and all around me.  And this was done when I met Daddy and we started talking and sharing and moving forward in a relationship together.  When I gave up my control to him, gave him the pieces of me as a whole to be molded and shaped back into the person I am, I found me again.  The same me, yet a new me.

When we share things and talk through things, he gives me guidance and support in what I do.  When we have our play times and I lay myself at his feet to control and guide me through our time together, I feel free.  I feel cared for, loved, protected and supported through all of it.  The communication and understanding that I had been looking for is right there in him.  The support, connection, protection and love I had been longing for, they are all right there in him.  I trust him more than I have been able to trust anyone.  It amazes me more and more every day how blessed I am.

I never thought I would want to give someone else control over me and yet, I have.  Not always in everything I do, for he does not want that because I have to be able to do things on my own of course.  But, the things I don’t have to be in control of all the time, I happily hand over to him when I can.  It’s a balance thing and we have room for that balance in our life and all we do.

*Pic found from Tumblr

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4 thoughts on “Control

  1. It always has to do with the balance we need to find in our lives, and what works for once doesn’t always work for the other. Each relationship is unique. Glad you have found what works for you 🙂

    Rebel xox

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